


Home to me

by clexatrashforlife19



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Car Accidents, Drinking, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Rape, Self-Harm, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 11:10:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 33,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5454488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clexatrashforlife19/pseuds/clexatrashforlife19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa meets Clarke on their last day of classes before summer break. Spending the summer at Lexa's family cabin not only brings up feelings between the two and their friends but it busts out their pasts. Will they work through the pain of the past or will it be too much for the other to handle? </p><p> </p><p>OR Lexa and Clarke fall in love, Lexa has a temper, Clarke's got a surprise, exes fuck everything up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. May we meet again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Emily](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emily/gifts), [Blake](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blake/gifts), [Clexa Fandom](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Clexa+Fandom).



Whoever decided that eight am college finals were a good idea can suck my dick.

"Lexa, come on! Babe, you have to get up or else you'll be late for your final. It's your last one and then we can go spend the entire summer at the lake with just us, hot guys, girls and some booze." Anya yells back to me, disappearing down the hallway to the kitchen. Grumbling, I pull myself out of bed making my way to the smell of fresh coffee. I pull my mess of long brown curls into a bun, tucking my phone into my pocket as I reach the cup of delicious brown liquid waiting for my lips. Anya watches me, chewing carefully on a buttered bagel.

"I'll text you when I'm done. Try to finish getting everything packed up because I want to leave for the cabin as soon as I get back here. Anya, I'm serious. I am so ready for this summer." I shut the door behind me before she can respond and leave our apartment for the five minute walk to my class. Anya is like a big sister to me; we met my freshman year here at Polis University. She was a junior in a freshman english class and since the moment she sat beside me, we've been best friends. Now I am a junior and she is now attending the med school on campus. She worries about me more than my own brother.

Walking into class, I take my seat waiting for the final to begin so I can get out of here. My eyes flicker to movement at the door to see a familiar blonde walk in. I know she wasn't in this class all semester but where do I know her from? I was snapped from my thoughts as my best friend Raven, smacks my legs off her chair with her crutch.

"So, supposedly the other class is supposed to be here to take their final too because Dr. Wick has to leave after we're done." She shrugs and plops down on her chair, placing her crutches between us and propping her braced leg up on the desk. I let out a throaty laugh and she smacks my arm.

"Okay, yes I know! It looks dumb but it's a start and they only have a pink one so I had to take it while they fixed mine. Maybe if Octavia would've just let me fix it myself, I wouldn't be having this issue." Raven huffs and pulls out her phone.

"Maybe if you weren't trying to play soccer with her and I when you're supposed to be sitting out on the bench, you wouldn't have fucked up the other one!" I fire back, my tone light and joking but a hint of sincerity makes the tan brunette look up at me.

"Yeah, you're right. But have you seen my girlfriend? God damn. She's absolutely beautiful! I just wanted to block her so her ass was right in front of me." She laughs a bit too loudly. Octavia and the blonde standing next to her turn, looking at the pair of us. I feel my face heat up as the blondes piercing ice blue eyes penetrate my forest green ones. Octavia smirks when my eyes shift to meet hers. She makes her way to us after whispering something to the beautiful blonde who nods and follows her.

"Hey babe, hey Lex. Lexa, this is Clarke. Clarke, Lexa." O turns to Clarke, "She's in our Lit class even though she rarely shows up. Oh! We're meeting at the Ark for lunch afterwards so whoever is done first can go and get us a table." Raven pulls her girlfriend into her lap, kissing her to keep her from talking anymore. With that I sit, and Clarke takes the seat to my right.

"So, Clarke. What's your major?" I ask, trying to fill the awkward bubble forming around us.

"I'm focusing on being a neurosurgeon but I'm doing a double with an art degree. What about you? Let me guess, you're here for some kind of business degree?" I snort at the assumption and shake my head.

"Wrong, but good guess. I am actually here for English. I'm a writer, poet, sweet talker." I smirk at her, watching as her eyes flicker to my lips and back to my eyes. She blushes and turns away as the professor walks in and tells us to begin our finals and wishes us good luck as the tests are passed out.

Throughout the entire exam I had to fight the urge to glance over at the woman beside me who was absentmindedly chewing on the end of her pen. The way she had her hair pulled up in a loose and messy bun, her mid thigh jean shorts and that muscle tank exposing her black sports bra. Her skin was peppered with freckles, pale but I would bet my sweet ass that it was soft. 'Damn it Lexa, focus! You need to get a good grade on this final so you don't have to repeat this horrid class. But fuck, look at her. The way she bites the inside corner of her lip when she's reading and then switching to chew on the pen again when she is about to choose an answer.'

After rushing through the rest of my final, I hand it in. Clarke had finished a minute before me and was waiting with our bags in hand at the door. We walk out and head towards the diner. I sneak a glance over to her once again but this time I notice she is staring equally as intensely back at me. Our faces redden at the sudden embarrassment of being caught. Once we slide into opposite sides of the booth, the waitress takes our drink orders and appetizer while we wait for our friends to get here.

"Have you always lived here?" I ask her, fiddling with my straw. I look up at her with a soft smile.

"Actually no, my mom was transferred to the new hospital here the summer before college started. Have you always lived here?" Reaching out to take a mozzarella stick, our hands brush and my face flashes hot as a small gasp escapes my lips.

"Yeah, I have. My grandparents moved here after immigrating from Sicily, Italy when they were 19 and have been here since then. They still live in the same house too." My laugh is cut short by Octavia sitting on me.

"Thanks for getting us table, that slow poke," She thumbs over to Raven who has just sat beside Clarke. "decided to go over the final twice before handing it in." Raven shrugs, shoving a mozzarella stick in her mouth.

"Ifs not mys fault fhat Ives gof to mafe sure everyfings correc." The waitress brings over their drinks and refills mine. With a nod and a 'thank you' she walks away.

"Hopefully she'll pass the class this time." I comment, earning an ice cube to the chin. Clarke laughs at the interaction and I feel my heart swell at the sound. I could listen to her laugh forever and never once get tired of hearing it. Meeting her eyes, I smirk and toss my own ice cube at her, watching as it hits her collarbone and slide down into her bra.

"Holy fuck, that's cold!" She screeches, fumbling to pull it out. "That wasn't nice, ma'am. That was very cold!"

"Okay, okay! No more ice cubes! You'll get us kicked out!" Octavia reprimands shaking her head with a grin on her face.

"Did you guys order already?" Raven asks moving the conversation to food, her eyes scanning the menu as well as Octavia's chest after she removes her t-shirt to reveal her own muscle tank underneath. I snap my fingers in front of her face to get her attention.

"Ray, no eye fucking in public. Don't make me get Jasper's goggles." She laughs, winking at O.

"I can't help it, my girlfriend is absolutely stunning. I can't keep my eyes off of her." Octavia leans forward and grabs Raven's hands.

"You also have a hard time keeping your hands to yourself, my love." I watch Clarke, gauging her reaction to my best friends conversation. She must have felt my eyes on her because she turned her attention towards me. I wasn't going to assume she was interested in woman due to too many rejections on my side.

"Lex!" Octavia slaps my arm. "Are you paying attention to anything I'm saying?" Oh shit, she looks pissed. What did I do now?

"Sorry, I was distracted." My face once again for the third time, flashes red. "What were you saying?" My eyes flicker to Clarke, she's staring at me with a smirk.

"I was asking about the cabin. Are you and Anya still going this summer?"

"Yeah, we are. Oh shit! I need to call her and let her know where I am and see what she wants to do now that it's gonna be late when I get back." I slide out and walk towards the bathrooms, pulling out my phone, I dial Anya's number.

"Where the hell are you and why didn't you call me?!"

"Anya, I'm sorry. O and Ray wanted to have lunch and then they brought this really cute girl Clarke and now we're talking about everyone coming to the cabin and staying with us, if that's okay with you I mean." I hear her sigh and I can almost see her relax.

"Yeah, yeah fine. But we are leaving first thing in the morning so don't stay out too late OR get too hammered." I chuckle and reply that I won't and I would be home by 12. A moment after hanging up the phone I feel an arm slide around my waist and before I can register what's happening, a set of lips press themselves against mine. My eyes lock on blue ones before fluttering closed and sinking into the kiss. My body tingles, reacting to hers pressed against me. I step back into the bathroom, pulling her with me. The door locks and her hands find my shirt, pulling it up and over my head before tossing it onto the counter top. Gripping her waist, I hoist her onto the counter as her hands take a firm grip in my hair. Her hips dig into mine as I step closer to her, our lips not leaving the others. I feel a hand travel down my chest, my torso and into my shorts, leaving a burning trail from her fingertips.

A hard knock breaks us apart, her hands moving to grab my hips so I can't move away as she slides my shirt back on me. She hops down and unlocks the door, grabbing my hand as we walk out. The lady holding her crying baby glares at us as we walk by. Clarke stops us a few steps past the door, turning to me she kisses me again, this one short and chaste.

"Well, that confirmed that for me." She bites her lip and looks up at me. My thumb slides across her swollen bottom lip.

"You know, you could've just asked me. I'm not complaining though because holy shit, that was amazing." I say breathlessly before leaning in and kissing her again, pulling her close, my arm wrapping around her torso. She moans softly into my mouth, wrapping her arms around my neck. Once again the lady who interrupted us the first time, clears her throat walking past us. We simultaneously flip her off, pulling away from each other with a laugh.

"Let's go back to O and Raven before they come searching for us. We can talk about this later." She walks back to the table, patting the spot next to her. Taking my seat, I see Octavia snickering beside Raven now.

"Is there a joke we've missed?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. She has now buried her face into Raven's shoulder to keep her laughter under control. Raven bites her lip, clearing her throat before speaking.

"Lex, did you fix your hair before coming out of the bathroom?" My eyes widen, I turn to Clarke and pull out my phone and see my hair is everywhere having fallen out of the ponytail that was supposed to be holding it together. Clarke hands me a hair tie, a sly smirk on her face.

Mumbling under my breath, "you knew and didn't even say anything. That's just rude." She squeezes my hand, an apologetic smile on her face before kissing my cheek.

After eating and casual conversation we decide to hit up an end of the year party. I made it home before twelve like I told Anya I would but I was extremely intoxicated and not alone.


	2. We are what we are

I wake to a pounding headache and a blinding light shining in my eyes. Groaning, I roll over freezing at the feeling of arms pulling me closer. I rub my eyes, helping them adjust to the light to see who was laying in bed beside me. In my dazed confusion I don't recognize the blonde beside me and practically leap out of bed and onto the floor. With an 'oompf' I land on my ass, looking up to see bright blue eyes staring down at me.

"Well, that's one way to wake up to the girl you brought home last night." She giggles, watching me with a delighted smirk on her face. She extends a hand, reaching out to help me back onto the bed. Once back beside her, I lay on my back and she lays her head on my chest. 

"The last thing I remember about last night is us sitting on the couch playing Kings and I had just drawn an eight so because we were mated, we had to drink and then after that, nothing." I explain, trying to help her understand at which point I lost what was happening.

"Okay, so after we finished Kings, we all sat around and just took shots and made out with each other. Yes, you and I. I didn't kiss anyone else and neither did you." Her chuckle is even sexier than her laugh. Then, like a brick wall I am hit with all the memories and emotions. The kiss in the bathroom, the mirror. Reaching up to touch the back of my head, I wince at the tenderness, sucking in a breath that confirms the memory of smashing the mirror when Clarke had lifted me on the counter. My heart flutters at the images of Clarke pulling off my jeans and kneeling in front of me. A small laugh comes from me as I remember that as soon as she leaned in, a knock came to the door once again and we both groaned at being interrupted for the second time that day. 

"I think someone was trying to tell us not to have sex in the bathroom." I whisper, leaning so I could kiss her head. She looks up at me, kissing my chin.

"Probably, but last night we were in this bed and ready but you decided it was a great time to take a nap after I had stripped for you. Talk about a confidence killer." Getting up, Clarke throws a pillow at me before walking into my bathroom. 

"You know, if you hadn't gotten me drunk, I would've totally slept with you." I say, bracing myself for the snide comment about to come from the blonde. A moment later she sauntered out, a smirk on her face.

"Oh, would you? Is that all you wanted from me? 'Cause excuse me but didn't we just meet yesterday?" I roll onto my side and stare at her as she pulls on a pair of my sweatpants. 

"Oh don't tell me you didn't feel the connection immediately! I know you did. I saw you. But if you are worried about moving too fast, we can take things slow. I would actually love to get to know you better." My face blushes red, turning my face into my pillow I hear her laugh again. The bed dips and I feel arms go around me, her hot breath on my neck.

"I would really like that. I heard you talking to Anya about going to a cabin on the lake? I don't want to invit-" I cut her off, turning over to face her, bringing her lips to mine. 

"Of course you can come! What's a better way to get to know me than where I grew up? I mean, not literally. But we did spend our summers there and some winters." I speak quickly, my face reddening even more. 

"Okay, well then that's settled. I guess I have to go back to my moms and pack. How long would you like me to come for?" She asks, kissing my nose. I could lay here like this forever, only if I get to hold her though.

"Well, the gang will be there all summer but you don't have to stay the whole time if you don't want to." Clarke's about to say something but we're stopped when Anya storms in, looking more pissed off than I have ever seen. Shooting upright and away from Clarke, I look to my best friend in confusion.

"What the hell are you still doing in bed?! I texted you fifteen times! Lexa, you said you weren't going to be trashed and I can tell you're still extremely hungover. I made you both breakfast and there is water and Advil on the table. Go eat and then take a hot shower so that we can get going!" Storming back out of my room, I turn to look at the terrified blonde behind me. 

"She's really not that scary, she's just pissed because I convinced her to stay until this morning. She loves the lake and she had to wait because of my exams so she's excited to get back home." I stand, holding out my hand for her. "Come on, let's go eat and then we can get ready. Did you drive us here?" She takes me hand, scooting across the bed before standing next to me.

"I did, you certainly couldn't. I'll head home and get packed after we shower and I will just talk to Octavia about riding with them or meeting them somewhere to follow them up to the cabin." Nodding, we sit next to each other at the table, scarfing down the eggs, toast and bacon that Anya made for us. Swallowing the pills and finishing off the water, we put our plates in the sink and head back to my room to shower and change. I let Clarke go in first so I can shower and give her time to pack. Hearing the shower turn on, I make my way to Anya's bedroom down the hall. I find her sitting on her bed, zipping up her black suitcase. 

"Hey, I'm sorry about this. I didn't plan on getting wasted, but the shots kept coming and Clarke alone intoxicates me so I hadn't realized how drunk I was until I got up this morning with that killer migraine. Thank you...for the food, the pills, everything you've done for me these past few years. It means a lot that you take time out of your day to take care of me when I'm a fuck up." I take a deep breath after sputtering the mouthful of words at her. I watch as her usual flatlined mouth turns up into a small smile. 

"You're such a goof, Lex. Of course I'm gonna take care of you. I love you to death, kid. Now go get ready and we'll pick up your girlfriend on the way there." I run over and tackle her on the bed briefly kissing her cheek before getting up and darting out of her room. 

Sneaking into my room, I see Clarke standing with her back to the door, the black towel wrapped tightly around her curvy body. I take off running, wrapping my arms around her as I pick her up and fall onto the bed with her on top of me. She giggles and wiggles out of my grip once we stopped bouncing off the mattress. Her wet hair cascading down around my head, her lips only a few mere inches from mine causes me to lose my breath at how gorgeous she looks. My eyes flicker from her lips to her glacier blue orbs. 'Fuck I'm so screwed.' She leans in, our lips ghosting across each others when my door is flung open, making a loud thud against the wall. Octavia is standing in the door frame, watching us with wide eyes. Looking to Clarke, I realize her towel had fallen open and exposed her entire left side. I quickly pull it over to cover her, Octavia clears her throat and looks to me though her eyes don't narrow an inch as she speaks.

"Uhm...Oh right. Anya is loading the stuff in the truck and was hoping Clarke would get going to her place to pack so that we can pick her up when she's ready without wasting the day away..." She once again clears her throat as Raven hobbles into the doorway. Her eyes open wide as well, seeing that Clarke still hadn't moved from on top of me. 

"Well, this is an interesting situation. Care to explain what happened last night or should we wait until tonight when Lexa is drunk?" Octavia elbows her girlfriend in the ribs before pulling the door shut and shooing Raven back to the living room. 

"Maybe I should get dressed and let you shower, and I will text you my address and when I'm ready for you to come get me, eh?" Clarke smirks before leaning back and standing, grabbing my hand to help me up. She stands between my legs, leaning down to kiss me, her arms go around my neck. Letting the towel fall to the ground, I wrap my arms around her torso, bring her body closer to mine. After a moment, she pulls back and walks back to pull on her clothes from last night. 

"I'll be waiting for your text. Be quick, Anya obviously hates waiting." I grab a towel from the rack, setting it on the counter before walking the blonde to the front door. She cups my face, kissing me hard. She take my bottom lip in between hers, sucking lightly enticing a moan from me. She pulls away, winking at me before closing the door to her car and driving away. 

"Yo, Lex. You're so screwed man." Turning around I see my three friends standing there, too many smirks to be comfortable with.

"Shut up, you guys. I just feel something different with Clarke. It's so much bigger and better than what I felt with you know who in the beginning. I just hope Clarke feels the same way about me as I do her. She's so fucking beautiful it physically hurts me to look at her and not kiss her. Her lips are so damn soft and welcoming and that body, god fucking shit. I'm so into her and I barely know her! Is that wrong?" Octavia walks over to me, shaking her head. 

"No way, you could be soulmates. You know how I feel about them and I am telling you, that's exactly how I felt when I met Raven and we were four. So tell me, are we crazy? We've technically been together since then. Almost twenty years and I still love this girl with my entire heart." I pull Octavia into a bear hug. 

"I'm gonna go shower and then we can go get my beautiful...girlfriend? friend? soulmate? Who knows." I run down the hall and shower quickly. A half an hour later I am dressed and in the truck waiting for Anya to finish locking up our house. 

"Come on! Now i'm ready and you're the one who isn't!" I yell out the window as Anya makes her way down the driveway. Hopping in the truck, she smacks the back of my head which causes my head to smack the assist handle. 

"Ow, fucker!" With a hearty laugh, she backs out and we drive to the address Clarke gave me. I jump out once Anya puts the truck in park, making my way to the front door of the mansion sized house. My hand freezes before I can knock because Clarke opens the door before I got the chance. She greets me with a wide smile and her suitcases at her feet.

"Hi! Long time no see, am I right?" She grins, pulling her bag out so I can grab it. Movement catches my attention behind her, looking up I notice a older woman, early forty's, standing a few feet back. Clarke turns around to see what has caught my eye.

"Oh, mom! This is Lexa, the girl I was talking to you about! Lexa, this is my mom. You can call her Dr. Griffin or Abby." 'Dr. Griffin? No wonder they live in a mansion!' Setting her bag in the back of the truck, I extend my hand to shake hers. 

"It's great to meet you, Dr. Griffin." She smiles, the corners of her eyes wrinkle and I notice many similarities that her and Clarke share. 

"It's great to meet you also, Lexa. You're lucky that Jake isn't here or else he would be asking you all kinds of questions about the time Clarke will be spending with you. But as I am the only one home, just make sure she's safe and doesn't do anything stupid. That's all I ask." I give her a sweet smile and a nod. Clarke hugs her mother before grabbing her other bag and getting into the truck. Her mother retreats back into the home as we wave and start the two hour drive to the cabin. 

We blast All Time Low songs the entire ride, singing along at the top of our lungs. 

"I got your picture, I'm coming with you

Dear Maria, count me in  
There's a story at the bottom of this bottle  
And I'm the pen

When the lights go off  
I wanna watch the way you take the stage by storm  
The way you wrap those boys around your finger  
Go on and play the leader

'Cause you know it's what you're good at  
The low road for the fast track, make every second last

'Cause I got your picture, I'm coming with you  
Dear Maria, count me in  
There's a story at the bottom of this bottle  
And I'm the pen

Make it count  
When I'm the one who's selling you out  
'Cause it feels like stealing hearts  
Calling your name from the crowd."

The music cuts off, midway through the song as Anya shuts off the truck to break us out of our trance. I get out, holding my hand out for Clarke. She smiles, scooting to the edge before landing lightly in front of me. I place a hand on the back of her neck, kissing her lightly before moving away to help Anya with the bags. I hear Clarke gasp at the size of the cabin.

"This is as big as my house! This is a lodge, not a cabin! How many rooms does it have?" She asks, stepping through the threshold. 

"Well, there are seven bedrooms, 5 bathrooms, a game room, a movie theatre downstairs, a sauna, and a bar. My dad built this a year before he died. My mom can't bear to come back so she gave it to me and now Anya and I spend our summers here with all of our friends." I stop inside my bedroom, decorated to resemble my personality. Moss green walls, antlers and deer heads decorating them. In one corner, my mom had painted a tree mural that has a platform so I can climb up there and read. Setting the suitcases at the end of the bed, I fall back onto the water bed. The blonde giggles, laying beside me. 

"Do you miss him?" She asks, meaning more about when I came here than in general.

"Every minute that I spend here, I think of him. He raised me to be the person I am today. I was fifteen..." Swallowing the lump in my throat, I continue. "He was killed by a drunk driver one night coming home from picking Raven and I up from a party. Raven was sitting behind my dad, a piece of shrapnel was imbedded into her spine but thankfully they could save everything except her left leg. She can only feel from mid thigh and up. My dad got the brunt of crash. I only suffered a concussion and a broken knee that I came back from, but only after a lot of physical therapy." Her eyes were filled with tears but yet she reached up and wiped the ones that had unknowingly fallen from my face. 

"I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you'll tell me more about him but I don't want to upset you anymore so we can stop and go wait for everyone to get here. Okay?" She stands, pulling me up with her before hugging my head to her chest. I nod, pulling back to look up at her. She presses her lips to my forehead before stepping back to let me stand. I take her hand leading her out to the living room where everyone is now sitting around joking. 

"Hey! Look at this loser!" Jasper walks over and wraps me up in a tight hug.

"Hi Jasper." I chuckle before turning to the blonde beside me.

"Everyone, this is Clarke. You may have seen her around campus a few times but she's here with me so back off. Clarke, This is Jasper, the shaggy haired boy is Monty and his boyfriend, Nathan but we call him Miller. Lincoln is the tattooed bald guy and also my brother, sitting on his boyfriend Nyko, the one who's tatted and bearded. Maya is Jasper's girlfriend and the blonde shaggy haired guy over there is Murphy and his fiancee Emori. And of course you know Ray, O, Anya and I so that's everyone." Everyone whispers hellos, Raven walks over and slings her arm around Clarke with a grin on her face.

"Who's up for some beer pong?!" She is rewarded with cheers as everyone scrambles to grab cups, beer and then race to the game room. The sun was setting out on the lake creating a beautiful pink sky. I take Clarke's hand, pulling her out to the balcony that's off the kitchen. 

"Isn't it beautiful here?" Her head rests on my shoulder as she hooks her arm around mine. 

"It's almost as beautiful as you are." Lifting her head, she looks at me, searching my face for any signs that I didn't feel the same. When she was satisfied that there weren't any, I grab her hips, pulling her close. Our lips meet in a rushed and desperate kiss, a way to express just how the other makes us feel. Taking her lip between my teeth, I bite gently earning a moan from her. Her arms lock around my head, as she jumps up, wrapping her legs around my waist like the first time we kissed. Her hips grind into mine, holding in a moan I whimper in response. My hands grab her ass as our kiss intensifies. 

A throat clears from inside the house, causing us to jump apart. "I'm getting really sick and tired of people interrupting us." Looking over, Lincoln stands there with an amused and sloppy grin on his face.

"Come on, lovers. We need you guys to play to make even teams now that Gustus is here." Clarke releases her legs from around my waist and I set her down. 

"Who's Gustus?" She asks as we make our way down to the game room.

"Anya's on and off again boyfriend. I'm surprised he's here though because last I heard, they were fighting. But who knows, unless Echo shows up we should be fine." The last comment earned Lincoln a confused look from the blonde but she shook her head, letting it go. I lean over and snake my right arm around her waist, whispering in her ear.

"I'll explain the whole situation later. It's complicated." She simply nods, focusing on the game and which team we were on. Anya, Lincoln, Jasper, Monty, Emori, Raven and I are on one team while Gustus, Clarke, Maya, Nyko, Miller, Murphy, and Octavia are on the other. 

Being the first game, we all sank most of the shots and were quite tipsy by the second and third game. By the fourth, a few of the light weights *cough* Clarke *coughs* started missing. I do admit to being pretty drunk by the fifth and sixth game and decided to call it quits and wobble over with Raven to the foosball table. Every score, we would do a shot of rum. Raven and I being masters at the game from playing it so many years, racked up ten points each by the end. Shrugging we each grabbed a bottle and just waterfall'd for ten seconds. Anya, being the motherly one, made everyone drink a bottle of water every 30 minutes just so we didn't get too trashed. Lincoln and Nyko decided to "turn in" at midnight and eventually everyone else started turning in too. Once three am rolled around, Gustus, Anya, Clarke, Raven, Emori and I were the only ones still awake though only barely. 

"Guys, I don know if yous knows this. But I love Octavia's ass. I thinks I am gonna go and touch it." Raven states, standing more wobbly than usual and I quickly steady her.

"I'm gonna walk her to bed because she'll probably fall and won't be able to get up. Goodnight, we will see you all in the morning." Clarke stands, grabbing Raven's other side, helping me haul her to the bedroom they're staying in. Once we got her into bed beside her girlfriend and they cuddled up together, we walked back to our room. Slipping out of my jeans I change into a pair of boxers and a tank. Clarke's pajamas are similar to mine, I notice once she walks out of the bathroom. She gently climbs onto the bed, careful not to cause too much of a disturbance to my comfortable position. Once she was comfortable, she lays her head on my pillow, our noses touching. I can smell a hint of alcohol but mainly minty toothpaste.

"So, I really enjoyed today and I can't wait to see what the next few weeks have in store for us. Thank you for letting me come and letting me into your heart. I appreciate it." She whispers, kissing me softly before her eyes close and her breathing evens out. With a soft smile, I brush a strand of hair away from her face. 

 

My phone vibrates on the nightstand, then once again a few minutes later. Rolling over, I check the time and see it's only five in the morning. Checking the messages, my heart drops and I begin to feel nauseous as I read the texts. 

The bitch from hell: We know you're there. We know Gustus is there and we know you've brought a new girl with you. Ha! A blonde? How original, Lexa. When are you going to tell her about me? 

The bitch from hell: Maybe I should drop by with Echo and we can all sit and talk! I would love to meet her. I'll let her in on all your secrets, all your likes and dislikes. I mean, just because we broke up doesn't mean we can't be friends, Lex. I know, I cheated on you and broke your heart and you almost killed the girl I cheated on you with but we can still be civil. I won't tell her about your temper or how it was your fault your fathers dead and the sad sob story of a "drunk driver crash" is bullshit. 

The bitch from hell: I'll keep your dirty little secret, Alexandra ;D Sleep well.

Costia.


	3. Bodyguard of lies

Not being able to fall back asleep, I slip out of bed and make my way outside to the pool. The sun was beginning to rise, casting a calm glow across the lake, the sky a pink-orange. Leaving my boxers on, I strip down to my sports bra. The water washes over my flustered, toned body. A peaceful calm surrounds me, pulling me further under, only breaking it when I surface and inhale deeply. 'Fuck, what am I going to do if Costia shows up here with Echo? What will Clarke think when she learns the truth about that night and what went down with Costia and her ex. That I left out the small detailed that it was my fault that my dad and the other "drunk" driver is dead?'

"Lex, what are you doing up so early? Did you even go to sleep?" Anya asks as she sits on the edge, letting her feet swirl around. Swimming over I lift myself up beside her. 

"I had finally fallen asleep about four am but at five-ish, I received a text from Costia. I'll show you them later but basically she threatened to bring Echo here and tell Clarke about the crash and how I nearly killed Becca. But we can talk about that later, I'm not really in the mood. Why are you awake? You certainly weren't asleep when I left." She stared at me, wide eyed at the mention of our exes. 

"They wouldn't...would they? I couldn't sleep, Gustus was snoring." Laying her head on my shoulder she sighed. "What are you going to do if they do come? You should probably tell Clarke before they get here. Better to hear it from you than that bitch."

"I hope they don't, this is our vacation and she's not going to ruin it for me. I'm sorry Gustus was snoring, I told you to buy him those nose plugs. Now, if they do come? I will make them leave, I will tell Clarke but when I am ready. We've only known each other two days. Yes, I feel something amazing with her but we are new to each other, she barely knows me and I barely know her. I only opened up to her about my dad because she's so easy to talk to, I didn't mean to. But I will tell her..." I trail off, watching the sun peak over the tree line. Anya and I would stay up all night just to watch the sun rise on the lake and this year wasn't going to be any different. 

The girl beside me stands, extending a hand. "I'll go get you a towel and then we can cook everyone breakfast." Using her hand to pull myself to my feet, I follow her to the back door as she goes in to grab me a towel to dry off.

"Do you think Clarke will hate me?" I ask Anya, sitting on one of the stools. She turns and looks at me, thinking a moment before answering.

"If you're honest with her and explain what happened, I believe it'll be fine. But knowing you, you won't. You'll shut down and it'll cause her to panic and not believe what you have to say. Lex, you need to open up to her if you already feel that strongly about her. I can see it in the way you look at her!" She had started on the other end of the kitchen but by the time she finished her rant, she was standing in front of me. "Lexa, listen to me please. Don't shut her out, I've never seen you open up to someone like you did with her. After a few days?! Yeah, she's a keeper." Walking back to the stove, Anya begins cooking breakfast meat and I decide to shower and change.

I freeze outside the door, listening intently as I hear Clarke talking. 

"No, i'll be home soon, okay? I promise. Yes, I will come back and stay this weekend. I know, sweetheart. I wish I could've brought you too. No baby, tell them that I will call him later. Okay, I love you more. Be good, okay? Okay, see you." Who is she talking to? I take a deep breath before opening the door and walking in. The blonde turns, a smiling spreading on her face as she takes in my attire.

"Were you swimming? At 6 am? Lexa, did you even get any sleep?" Chuckling, I hang up my towel and walk over to stand between her legs. 

"I couldn't sleep, bad dream. I'm alright though, it sobered me up. Who was that on the phone?" Her body tenses, her hand that was rubbing circles on my hip stops. Looking up at me, she smiles.

"Oh, my...uh, cousin. She's staying with my parents for the summer since her mom is away for business." I see an emotion that I can't place flash across her face. Shrugging, I pull back and walk towards the bathroom. 

"Well that's nice of them. Wanna shower with me? It'll save time and water." I wink before stepping through the doorway. The bed squeaks, her feet pad gently against the hard wood flooring before I feel her arms wind themselves around my stomach. She presses light feathery kisses against my back and shoulders. The water runs cold at first before heating up, steaming up the mirrors. I turn in her arms, tugging off my wet sports bra, I toss it into the sink. Her fingers trace the contour of my jaw before using them to bring my lips to hers. The kiss becomes more urgent, wanting to feel the other closer. I pull off her t-shirt, revealing her bare chest. Shivers run down my spine as my eyes take her in. 

"God, you're so beautiful." I huff as she steps back, pulling off her remaining clothes. Stepping back to me, she tugs off my boxers that cling to my legs. With a swift push, I stumble back into the shower, the hot water hitting my shoulders and I gasp at the sudden heat. Clarke smirks, stepping in and closing the door behind her. Green orbs meet blue as she steps closer, instantly they're black with lust as our bodies collide in a heated kiss. Heat explodes from within in me, traveling down between my legs as her knee separates them. I moan out as her lips find my pulse point, her teeth sinking into my collar bone. When she pulls back I know there will be a nice sized bruise but in the moment all I could focus on was her hand slithering it's way down my chest. 

"Fuck Clarke." I breathe out, her lips latching onto my nipple. Her tongue swirling around it, enticing a small whimper as she begins to suck on it. I feel her smile as she begins lowering herself until she's kneeling in front of me. Looking up to me she smirks, biting her bottom lip as I run my hand through her hair encouraging her to pleasure me. Her mouth surrounds my clit, her hot breath causing me to moan and grip the walls of the shower. I'm not saying I've slept around but the few women I have been with have never been able to do what Clarke was currently doing to me. My knees were weak and threatened to buckle underneath me as she eased in two of her fingers. 

Slowly pumping in and out of me, she finds my clit once again, this time swirling her tongue a few times before sucking hard. I know i'm a goner when she slides a third finger in and I just about collapse onto her, her hand still pumping harder and faster until she brings me to my climax. My vision blurs and my legs turn to jelly, my body falling but landing softly as Clarke's arms bring me down beside her. She kisses me softly, a smile breaks out on my face as I take a deep breath.

"Holy shit, I have been waiting for that since the bathroom at the cafe." Looking over at her, I bring her face to mine, pulling her so she straddles my waist. The water was starting to cool so she leans up, turning the water nozzle further and almost immediately the water heats up. Bringing her lips back to mine, I capture her bottom lip between them, sucking gently before sliding my tongue to meet hers. She moans, a sound I never thought could top her laugh but it did. It did more than top it, it refueled the heat collecting once again between my legs. Her hands slip into my curls, locking her grip on my head. Our tongues battle for dominance, neither one wanting to back down. 

My hands roam across her abdomen, gripping her hips as my thumbs rub circles over the protruding bones. Grabbing my hand, Clarke slides my fingers into her which causes her to moan out loudly. Her face burrows into my hair, muffling her pleasured sounds. My fingers thrust in and out rhythmically, matching her pace as her hips ride my hand. My thumb circles her clit, her fingers pull on my locks as her teeth sink into my shoulder on the other side. I feel her tighten around me, my pace never slowing as I bring her to her peak before bringing her down slowly. Her body lowers onto mine, the water now cold against our heated bodies. 

"Do you think you'll be able to stand so we can actually shower quickly before getting dressed?" I ask, kissing her gently once she lifts her head off my chest. She nods, pushing back so she's kneeling before gripping onto the shower door and pulling herself up to a semi-standing position. I follow suit, reaching to turn the water up to a hotter temperature before shampooing and conditioning our hair. After finishing our shower, we dress swiftly and make our way out to the kitchen where everyone is at the table waiting. 

"Well damn, finally deciding to join us? Aren't we lucky?" Raven smirks, patting the seat to the right beside her. I take the spot, Clarke sitting to my right on the end. I notice her face is red and this time it's not from the hot shower. Octavia leans over, kissing her girlfriend before dumping a spoonful of eggs onto my plate and then again on Clarke's. 

"Glad you guys could join us though you probably were having a great time together in the shower." The smirk on everyone's face confirmed that they had heard us, looking to the blonde, Clarke blushes again, lowering her eyes to her plate.

"ANYWAYS, what are we doing today? I would like to take the jet skis out, maybe go tubing? What do you guys think?" Lincoln offers, turning everyone's attention to him and away from my blushing gir- uhm actually i don't know what we are yet. Reaching under the table, I take her hand in mine. She intertwines our fingers, offering me a small smile to let her know she's okay. 

"Lexa, what do you want to do?" Nyko looks to me, as if the world was now in my hands. 

"Uh...about what?" Genuinely confused, I look around as Raven laughs and Octavia slaps her arm. 

"Ignore her, we can't decide if we want to head to the lake or to stay around here and hang out. You and Clarke will determine what we do." Octavia says, looking between the two of us. 

"I really don't care what we do, but I would love to take Clarke out on the jet skis if that's what she wants to do." Squeezing her hand, I watch her eyes flicker to mine, holding a thoughtful stare before nodding. 

"I've never been on a jet ski so I think that it should be quite the adventure." Leaning closer to me, her lips inches from my ear. "I also love wrapping my arms around you and holding on tight as you ride me." I try my hardest to control the blush creeping to the tips of my ears and cheeks but I know it's a pointless fight when Murphy throws a bagel at me.

"Stop talking dirty at the table! You can do that later when we have our yearly orgy!" Emori slaps his arm, shaking her head as everyone bursts out in laughter at Clarke's shocked expression.

"He's joking, love. Don't worry about it! Only Lexa, O, and Raven really participate. Nyko is too shy, Jasper and Maya prefer the kinky shit and everyone else finds it way too weird to have a huge orgy with your friends. I don't mind it but Raven is like my sister and Lexa is my sister so I don't get involved." Lincoln laughs, shooting me a grin.

"Okay, we've only done that twice and it got weird because O and Raven weren't even paying attention to me so I left halfway through and finished myself. So fuck you Lincoln!"I say, throwing a sausage link, hitting him in the cheek. "Oh look, that doesn't seem to be the first time you've had that happen." Nyko barks out a loud burst of laughter he had been trying to hold in. "Oh, don't even mister! I know you like it too! I've heard you guys way too many times. 'Yes, Lincoln! Smack me baby! Oh yes! That cock feels so good against my mouth! Smack me again!' GROSS!" Linc shoots a glare at me. 

"Oh really, you wanna go there? How about the time Lexa had Costia laid out on this exact table, YOUR face buried in her pussy, her screaming out 'FUCK LEXA, YES SUCK MY CLIT!' As we walk in WITH OUR PARENTS!" At this point, everyone was staring wide eyed at me, holding in their laughter except Clarke. She looked uncomfortable and before I could say anything in response, she stood and hurried quickly out of the kitchen. I didn't glance back at my friends as I rushed after her. My body slams into the closed door, 'she locked it?' 

"Clarke, please open the door. It's only me." I beg, pressing my forehead to the cool wood. I hear her sniffling and the shuffle of her feet across the floor. The lock turns and the door is slowly pulled open, revealing the crying blonde. My heart sinks as I take in her bags by the door. "You're leaving? Clarke, please don't leave. He was just saying that to get back at me. Why are you leaving?" Taking a step into the room, I close the door behind me. She turns and walks to the bed but not sitting down. 

"We've only known each other a few days Lexa and you've already taken a hold on my heart and I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I'm ready for this. There is so much you don't know about me and obviously there is so much I don't know about you and maybe this," she gestures between the two of us, "is a really bad idea. I already called a cab. I'm sorry Lexa, I can't." Grabbing her bags, Clarke walks out of the bedroom. I follow behind her, racing to keep up. 

"Clarke, please!" I grab for her wrist, but she turns on her heel, causing me to slam into her. After recovering she looks at me. 

"Lexa, you know nothing about me. We might as well stop this before one of us gets hurt. I'm sorry, maybe we can go out for coffee one day but for now, this is what's best for me." 'She hasn't even given me a chance, what am I supposed to do?' She climbs into the cab, not meeting my eyes as the yellow vehicle drives off down the road. 

"Lexa, how can you just let her leave like that?!" Anya yells to me, pushing the heels of her hands against my back causing me stumble forward. I catch myself before landing in the muddy ditch, I turn and glare at her. 

"I can't keep her here, Anya! This is for the best! I know you heard her, this was a bad idea and I should've never brought her along. We barely know each other! Costia wasn't even here and she fucked this up!" Storming off to my truck, I jump in, kicking up gravel as I speed down the road that leads to the lake, leaving my friends behind in a cloud of confusion.


	4. Never Lose Your Flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a short chapter, sorta. It's kinda a filler for the main story. Love me some Octaven though oh my gosh.

~Octavia's POV~

After Clarke had left and Lexa stormed off to the lake to cool down, everyone seemed to go their separate ways for the day.

I helped Anya clean up the mess leftover from breakfast before heading to my room. Upon opening the door, I find Raven sprawled out on the bed.

"Babe, what are you doing?" I ask, chuckling as I inch my way closer to my sleepy girlfriend.

"I'm trying to sleep, sweetheart. What does it look like i'm doing? Learning the tuba?" She snarks back. Straddling her waist, I lift the back of her shirt and begin rubbing the base of her spine. My fingertips brush lightly over the scars that seem to be endless. Hitting a tight spot midway up her back earns me a short moan.

"God babe, that feels absolutely amazing. I know something that'll feel even better though, but that means you have to get off of me and I don't know if I want that." She turns her head towards me, a smug look on her face.

Raven and I met in our pre-school class. She was the new girl who had just moved here from Texas while I was the "popular" kid born and raised in our small town. I sat beside her on the first day and shared my goldfish with her and immediately she became my best friend. Since that day, we've been inseparable. I'm so in love with her, who she was, who she is and who she'll be in the future.

Moving over to the side of the bed, Raven rolls onto her side and stretches. "Come here, my queen." She leans up, placing her hand on the back of my neck, we kiss tenderly. The kiss quickly becomes a face battle as I try to dominate her. Rolling onto her back, I straddle her waist once again before pulling off my sports bra. Her pupils blow, covering her dark chocolate eyes in black lust. Her mouth moves to cover one nipple while the other grabs and pinches lightly on the other.

My hips grind into hers, my core aching to be touched and satisfied. My hands find their way to her wavy brown locks, taking a sturdy hold as our bodies meet in heated rhythm. Her mouth nips and trails love marks down my chest and abdomen. Flipping us over, she kneels between my thighs, placing kisses across my waistband. Her finger tips hook into the material and slowly pulls them down and off of me, leaving me completely naked. Her hands spread my thighs, grasping them tightly as she pulls me closer to her. I lean up, yanking off her tight shirt, exposing her tight abs that ripple as I let my fingertips trace the exposed muscles. Unclasping her bra, I fling it across the room, not paying attention to where it lands. She lays down, her hot breath on my sex. Lifting my legs, she places them over her shoulder. I arch my back as her tongue swipes across my throbbing clit. A moan rumbles deep within her chest as I push her face deeper into my core. Her tongue slips between my folds, indulging my most primal instincts. My hips grind against her face, the ache taking over my movements.

"Please, Raven. Baby just fuck me, please I need to feel you inside me!" I beg, needing her fingers to fuck me until I scream her name. She looks up at me, sliding one finger in slowly. I nod eagerly, throwing my head back. I gasp, moaning loudly as she slides in another finger, thrusting inside of me at a terribly slow pace. "Raven, if you don't fuck me harder I swear to go-" A third finger fills me, stopping me mid sentence. My back arches, her lips capturing my clit once again. 

"Come for me, my love." Her hot breath, skilled tongue and experienced hands push me over the edge, my walls clenching around her fingers. She slowly brings me down from my high, easing her fingers out from inside me before coming to lay beside me. I lay there for a moment, catching my breath before I turn to her. 

"It's my turn." I whisper, nipping at her ear lobe then trailing soft kisses down her neck to where her shorts sit low on her hips. My hands rub the top of her thighs, looking to her I see her nod. Quickly kissing her softly on the lips, I move down and gently remove the brace, making sure she's still comfortable with this. She gives me a soft smile, her eyes still black. I slide off her shorts and panties, kneeling between her legs. 

Her hand finds my hair, pulling my face closer to her core. I waste no time, I take her clit in between my lips and suck gently. I feel her body shudder, reacting to my teeth gently stimulating her sex. I twist the ball on my tongue ring, turning it on. The vibration makes me moan, exciting the gorgeous woman laying in front of me.

"O, please. I need it." She pleads, knowing I can't resist her. Pressing the ball to her clit, entices a moan, her hands pressing my face deeper into her core. My two fingers enter her, thrusting quickly inside of her. Rubbing her left thigh, I trace smoothing shapes while my other hand works on bringing my girlfriend to her climax. 

"Fuck Octopus, god you're so fucking amazing. Fuck yes, right there! I'm going to come baby!" Her body begins to shake as I quicken my pace, my tongue pressing harder to her clit, sucking hard. The tongue ring brings her to edge of an orgasm but my fingers pumping inside of her push her over. Her walls tighten, back arches, hands pull at my hair. I ride her through a second orgasm, her hand in my hair pulls me up until we're face to face. I kiss her deeply, her tongue licking at her own juices on my chin. 

"God damn woman. I love when you do that." She says, her voice sleepy. Standing, I help her get under the covers before sleeping in to be the little spoon. Her face nuzzles into my neck, pressing tiny kisses on the bare skin. "Have I ever told you that you're absolutely the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen? A true goddess." I chuckle, turning my head to face her. 

"You tell me everyday and I doubt I will ever get tired of hearing those words come from those sexy lips." I whisper, kissing her chin, nose and then her lips. "Twenty years, I have known you twenty years. We've been officially together for ten years. I don't want to spend my life with anyone but you, my sexy beautiful mechanic." She kisses me, our teeth clinking as our smiles are too wide but we don't care. I have Raven and she has me. That's all I need in this world. 

 

 

~Clarke's POV~

Once I was far enough away from the cabin, I let myself break down. The driver didn't ask if I was okay, he drove me back home and helped with my bags when we got there. Luckily, my parents weren't home when I got back or else I would've been bombarded with too many questions that I wasn't in the mood to answer right now. As I lay in bed listening to the rain that was now cascading down my window instead of the previous pelting, I think about Lexa. Her beautiful smile that only seems to glow when i'm around, the way those green eyes light up when she's with her friends. How could I have just walked away from the one person in 21 years of my life who has ever made me feel like I could breathe again? She makes me feel whole when we're pressed up against each other, her quiet snores filling the silence in the dark room. I never thought I deserved to love anyone, not after him. But I found her, I found the missing piece to my soul. But I walked away. I left her there, saying that I couldn't do this. It was for the best. I'm so fucking stupid. I'm already in love with her and I not only broke her heart, I broke mine. For what though? All because of I was afraid of what she'd do when she found out my past is more fucked up than her being caught eating out her girlfriend by her parents? If she feels the same way I do, then she'd love and accept me anyways. Maybe I should call her...I'll give her some time to cool off and I need some time to get my thoughts together.

The house was quiet while I showered, changed and cleaned up. Sitting on the couch later that afternoon, my nose buried in Thirteen Reasons , my cat Onyx curls up on my lap. I hear the giggles and padding feet before I see her but when she sees me, she sprints to me, jumping into my lap as the cat scampers across the back of the sofa.

"Momma! You're home! Grandpa got me new clothes for this summer! Come on! You have to come see them!" She begs, pulling me to my feet. I mark my spot in the book, placing it on the coffee table before I allow my 5 year old pull me to her bedroom. I watch as she begins pulling out swimsuits and summer outfits, laying them on her bed so I can see them.

"Wow, grandpa really went all out this time didn't he, Alex?" I shake my head, pulling her into a tight hug. "You know I love you kiddo, right? You're my baby girl." She looks up at me, a goofy lop sided grin, showing off her missing front tooth.

"Yes mom, I love you too." She hugs me tighter before running out of the room, calling for grandma. I hang up her new clothes and fold the ones without hangers. Turning towards the door, my mom walks in. I can tell she's afraid to see me home so soon.

"What happened, Clarke? I thought you weren't coming back until the weekend." She takes my hand, pulling me to my own room where she sits me on the bed. "Tell me what happened." Tears pool up in my eyes as I tell her everything, from the minute we got there, the sex and how perfect Lexa held me the next morning, how gentle she was with me, how I walked away before even talking to her.

"Oh sweetheart, why didn't you just give her a chance to talk with you? Clarke, listen to me. I could see the moment she showed here, the look in her eyes was nothing short of the way your father looks at me. That is true love, something you deserve...after everything you've been through. I'll drive you back up there but you may want to call Lexa and ask if she wants to talk too because it seems like you both have pasts that need to brought to attention before you can fully commit to one another." Once she was finished speaking, she stands, giving me a soft smile before closing my door behind her. I know she's right. Lexa deserves the truth. Will she want to talk to me? Does she think i'm a coward for leaving like that?

I stand, grabbing my phone off the nightstand I make my way outside to the swing set. Hesitantly, I click on her contact name, pressing the tiny phone icon before pressing the phone to my ear. It rings three times before I hear a groggy voice on the other end.

"Hello?" God, she sounds worse than I do.

"Hey...it's me. I really need to talk to you...if you're up for it? I have a lot to explain to you." I check my screen to make sure she hadn't hung up. Satisfied that she hadn't, I hear a sniffle come through.

"Yeah, I have a lot to explain to you too. Tomorrow?" I can hear her shuffle into what sounds like the bathroom as she turns on the sink.

"Yeah, that'll work for me. My mom said she'll drive me back in the morning. Maybe we can go out on the beach and just sit there and talk if the weather is nice enough." I take a deep breath, without her beside me it's hard to breathe.

"Of course, beaut- I mean...Clarke. Uhm, I should go. Everyone wants to go to dinner and I promised I would drive. Can I call you tonight? Just to hear your voice...or is that too weird?" I hear the anxiety in her shaky voice.

"No, I would love that. Go, have fun. I look forward to hearing from you tonight. Talk soon."

"Yeah, talk soon Clarke." My chest tightens at the sound of the call ending. She's gonna call me tonight, it'll be fine. A knock at my door brings me back, Alex is standing there smiling that goofy grin.

"Momma, come on! It's dinner time and you gotta help set the table. Grandpa said we can have ice cream tonight if I help!" She runs over, hugging me before running back out to the dining room. I love that kid more than anything in this entire world. I could never regret keeping her. Standing, I stretch and pocket my phone. Once the table is set, we all sit down and eat. We chat about our day but all I can think about is Lexa. After dinner, Alex curls up in my side as we watch Inside Out, eating our ice cream.

"Momma, grandma said you were going on a date tomorrow. Is she pretty?" Alex asks, looking up at me.

I kiss her head before responding, "Yes she is, her name's Lexa. But it isn't a date, we're just gonna talk." She moves so that she's facing me.

"I wanna meet her!" She whines, pulling on my hand. I sigh and shake my head slightly.

"You will baby, just not yet. We haven't known each other long and I don't wanna get your hopes up in case sh-" She frowns and looks at me, interrupting my sentence.

"She what? Doesn't want me? You want to wait to see if she likes kids or not" Alex scoots off the couch and walks to her room, shutting the door a bit harder than usual. Fuck. I stand, kissing my parents goodnight before I stand in front of her closed door.

"Sweetheart, please open the door or I will come in." I listen carefully as I hear her shuffle to the door. When it opens I see those big blue eyes staring up at me. My blue eyes, my dads blue eyes.

"What if she doesn't want me?" Her eyes fill with tears as I take her in my arms and set her on the bed. I kiss her head and rock her gently.

"Oh sweetheart, if she wants to be with me, then she will want you. There is no other way. I promise that I won't be with anyone who doesn't want you. You know that you're my entire world, no one else is as important as you." Wiping her tears, I kiss her cheek. "Do you understand me, Alexandria? You are the only one I need in my life, everyone else isn't as important. I promise." She nods, burrowing her face into my chest. We sit like that for a while before I lay down, keeping her tight to me. She had fallen asleep and I didn't want to be alone right now.

I must have fallen asleep because my phone ringing in my pocket is what wakes me up. Pulling it out, I'm blinded by the brightness of my screen. I let my eyes adjust to see Lexa's name and picture shining back at me.

"Hey, I almost forgot you were gonna call me. Sorry, I was laying down. What's up?" She chuckles, a sound that fills me up with joy.

"It's alright, I just got back with everyone. They got shit-faced early on in the night so we left. God, it's so good to hear your voice." I feel the same way. I can almost see her laying in her bed, staring up at the painted ceiling, her bottom lip between her teeth. I slowly slip out of Alex's bed, making my way back to my own.

"What time would you like to meet tomorrow? I have to let my mom know what time to be ready by. It's a two hour drive also so maybe eleven?" I do a few time calculations in my head as I change into a muscle tank and a pair of boy shorts.

"Yeah, eleven will be fine. Everyone should be off doing their own thing by then so if you'd like we can always sit here at the house if it gets too hot." I nod though she can't see me.

"Okay, cool. That'll be nice. So...I miss laying with you..." I hope she doesn't think that i'm just saying this.

"I do too, I miss holding you in my arms. The smell of your conditioner and the way your warm skin feels on mine." You can almost hear the smile on her face as she speaks. "What are you thinking about right now?" She asks.

"Would you believe me if I said you?" I smile, biting my lip.

"Would you believe me if I said I was thinking about you too?" I laugh lightly, turning onto my side, wishing she was still beside me.

"Lexa, there's a lot we need to talk about first. A lot of things that could change whatever this is between us. I just hope you'll hear me out and we can work through it." She sighs, I hear her move about on the other end of the line.

"I understand, we will talk about all of this tomorrow. It's late, get some sleep and I will see you in the morning. Goodnight, beautiful." I quickly say goodnight before hanging up. God, she's so perfect. Her voice is so lovely. I really hope she doesn't run off when I tell her about my past. I lay my phone on the nightstand before closing my eyes and letting myself drift off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my loves! If you have already read this chapter, you won't see this but I am adding it for future readers. I am currently working on Chapter 5. It's a long ass chapter so bear with me. Aiming for this weekend Jan 9th at the latest!
> 
> If you have any questions, hit me up on Twitter @Clexaownsmyass  
> Tumblr:chevycountrylife or clexa4lyfe idk which one you'd have to message.
> 
> Leave comments, kudos whichever! I want to know what you guys think, if it's good or not. Thanks!


	5. This is Gospel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets secrets are no fun, unless you share them with everyone.

~Lexa's POV~

Clarke had left, I had yelled at Anya and stormed off the beach where I swam off my aggression, well enough of it. It was absolutely infuriating that Anya thinks I would just let Clarke leave. But that's exactly what I did. I gave up on her, two days in and I let her go. I couldn't keep her here but I could've at least done something to keep her here to talk. My knees are pressed to my chest, my chin resting atop them. What was I gonna do? Will she give me the time of day now to talk to her? Reluctantly standing, I make my way back to my truck. Once inside, I change into shorts and a tank. Why couldn’t I have chased after her like in the movies? But no, I let her drive away because I’m too much of a pussy to talk about my feelings, my past. I’m closed off but not with Clarke and yet, she’s not sitting beside me. I’m gonna change, for her…I hope I can. She’s made me feel things that I never felt before, even when I was with Costia. Costia. 

“That FUCKING bitch!” I yell, slamming my hand against my dash. Wincing, I shake off my hand. Fuck it, I am always the one who chases after the girl and I’m absolutely tired of it. When she’s ready to talk, we’ll talk. I make the 15 minutes drive back to the house on the other side of the lake. I’m dreading the conversation with Anya after blowing up on her for no reason. Parking in the garage, I make my way inside through the kitchen. Steathfully I sneak up the stairs to where the bedrooms are. 

"Please, Raven. Baby just fuck me, please I need to feel you inside me!” I hear as I walk past Octavia and Raven’s room. Oooookay then. I know what they’ve been up to while I was gone. Swiftly shutting the door behind me, careful not to make any noise, I lock it and crawl into bed. 

I hadn’t realized I had fallen asleep until Lincoln was shaking my shoulder. 

“Hey bud, we’re all gonna go out to dinner. Do you want to come?” He asks, sitting on the side of the bed. 

“Yeah, I’ll drive if you need me to. I’m not gonna drink, not after everything cause I don’t want to do anything stupid. Ya know?” I roll over, looking up at my big brother. His complexion was slightly darker than mine, resembling our mother more than our father. 

“I know, kiddo. That’s alright. Things will get better, I know they will. I could see it on your face last night how completely in bliss you were to be with her, sexually or otherwise. Lex, don’t let her go. Maybe give her some space but don’t let her just walk away. I won’t sit there and watch you be broken hearted again. I can’t watch it.” Wrapping his arm around my shoulders, he squeezes gently before letting go and walking to the door. “Maybe next time, make sure the door is actually locked.” Closing the door behind him, I fall back onto my pillows. He’s right. I can’t let her just walk away. She’s too perfect for me to let go and that sex? Holy Mother of God was that amazing. I hear “Never Lose Your Flame” By ISSUES play from my phone, indicating someone was calling. Reaching it, I press the green icon to answer the call.

“Hello?” I answer, sounding more tired than I felt.

"Hey...it's me. I really need to talk to you...if you're up for it? I have a lot to explain to you.” I hear come from the other end. Clarke. Hearing her voice knocks the air out of my lungs, tears well up in my eyes. I sniffle, letting her know I was still there but still deciding on what I was going to say to her.  
"Yeah, I have a lot to explain to you too. Tomorrow?” I drag myself out of bed and into the bathroom. Turning on the sink, I pull out a wash towel and my face wash while stifling a series of unwanted yawns. Okay, maybe I was a bit tired. 

"Yeah, that'll work for me. My mom said she'll drive me back in the morning. Maybe we can go out on the beach and just sit there and talk if the weather is nice enough.” Her voice sends my mind to images of us sitting in the sand, her body curled up into mine once again. I crave her touch, her soft lips on mine. 

"Of course, beaut- I mean…Clarke.” Fuck Lex, get yourself together. She might not be ready for that. “Uhm, I should go. Everyone wants to go to dinner and I promised I would drive. Can I call you tonight? Just to hear your voice...or is that too weird?” My voice gives away the panic I feel creeping up into my chest. 

"No, I would love that. Go, have fun. I look forward to hearing from you tonight. Talk soon.” My heart flutters. I get to call her tonight! 

"Yeah, talk soon Clarke." I say, ending the call. I take a deep breathe, trying to control my rapid heartbeat. God, how can a woman do this to me? With just a few words, she can send my heart into overdrive, pumping blood through my veins faster than the Amazon river pumps water. I finish washing my face before walking to my closet, sorting through the multitude of outfits available to me. Deciding on a pair of dark jeans, a maroon muscle shirt with ‘I hate running’ in white on the front, cut to my hips, revealing my black sports bra. I slip into my black vans, I grab my wallet and keys before slipping down the hall into the living room. 

“Damn Lex, lookin’ good!” Jasper wolf whistles, blatantly staring at my exposed tanned hips. Maya smacks the back of his head gently.

“Jasper, that’s rude to whistle at her! She’s not even your girlfriend.” Maya walks out the door, Jasper following closely behind, begging her to not be mad at his stupidity. I can’t help but laugh, Jasper always is getting in trouble. 

“Everyone ready? We’re gonna need more than my truck, unless you guys don’t mind sitting in the bed.” Lincoln shrugs and pulls on Nyko’s hand. 

“Let’s go see who we can get in the back and then we can decide if we need another vehicle.” Nyko kisses my brother, a moan I didn’t need to hear, escapes his throat.

“You disgust me, let’s go. You’re not sitting next to each other either!” I yell behind me as I make my way to the drivers seat. Lucking out, everyone fit semi-comfortably within my truck and we didn’t require a second car. As we pull into the parking lot of the Outback Steakhouse, I cut off the truck and am met with a chorus of ‘Hey!’’s for turning off ‘That’s how you know.’ Watching the hostess groan internally as she sees the large group of us walk into the restaurant causes me to chuckle. Poor girl, at least she doesn’t have to serve us, just seat us. Once seated, drinks and appetizers ordered and the table already a mess as Raven and Monty try to make something explode with sugar, my mind begins to wander back to thoughts of the beautiful blonde that I will see tomorrow. 

Her smile is the first thing that comes to my mind. It always seems to reach her eyes, it’s contagious. The blue orbs that drag you in, enveloping you like the sea. Her jokes are always corny and she laughs at herself but I wouldn’t trade those days spent together, for anything in this world. The way her body is almost magnetized to mine, curling deeper into my chest when I hold her against me at night. I don’t care what her past was like, what matters is our future. I have already fallen so far and so fast for her, I won’t give up. 

“Lex, you still here with us?” I hear Anya speak in my ear from beside me. Nodding, I turn to her and see her eyebrows furrowed as she studies my face. “Whatcha thinkin’ about, love?” Her tone soft and welcoming. Leaning my head on her shoulder, I shrug.

“Thinking about her, again. I can’t stop thinking that there was something I could have done or said to get her to stay and talk to me. She called me today, before we left to come here. I’m gonna call her when we get home, hopefully she’ll still be awake.” I look around at my friends and laugh at the amount of alcohol we have already accumulated. “Knowing this group, it’ll be an early night.” My best friend chuckles beside me, kissing the top of my head before pushing me to sit upright and face her.

“Yeah, you’re right. They’ll want to go back to the cabin and finish getting shit faced so they don’t embarrass themselves in public. Do you think you love her already?” I stare at her quizzically then thoughtfully. 

“Not yet, maybe one day I could. It’s too soon to know, but I do like her a lot. She fits in well with our group, she makes me feel things I have never felt before. She could be the one, but it’ll take time to find out if she is or not. I think once we talk, I’m going to suggest taking this a bit slower now that we know that physical attraction’s not an issue.” I hear Anya snort, her beer shooting out of her nose. Buckling over in laughter, I hand her a handful of napkins. “Holy fuck Anya!”

“Shut the fuck up, ow this hurts. Fucking beer.” She wipes and blows her nose a few times as Gustus tries to wipe up the beer that is now on the floor. Standing, I pull on the brunettes arm.

“Let’s go to the bathroom and get you cleaned up while they clean this up.” She follows after me, breaking out in laughter after the stalls are checked for fellow diners. “Anya, holy shit. Why did you do that?!” I hand her another paper towel, as she blows her nose.

“Uh, HELLO! We all know that physical attraction isn’t an issue between the two of you. Have you not realized that we can hear you guys in there? Plus Lexa, Clarke isn’t quiet. At all. I’m going to bet that she’s just loud and you’re not that good.” Playfully punching my arm, I stare at her in mock hurt.

“Ouch, that hurts! I am that good, okay. If you can hear her, you would know that she’s screaming my name and how good I am. Don’t be jealous that I do it better than Gustus does and WAY better than Echo ever did.” At her name, I slapped my hand over my mouth. Fuck. Her head snaps up to look at me, her eyes wide. Anya’s about to say something but we turn to look at the now closed door. 

“Did you summon me?” Her voice cold as ice, her eyes locked on Anya’s. 

“Echo.” I take this lapse as a chance to step between the exes. “What the hell are you doing here? You’re supposed to be in Italy. Or anywhere but here.” Anya’s words drip with venom, masking the surprise she feels seeing her ex-fiance standing before her. 

“I was in Italy but then I got a call from my dad saying my grandmother was sick and was dying so I came home. I never realized you’d be here still, same cabin? Oh, hi Lexa. Spoken to Costia? She was saying how much she missed you. Wait, she also mentioned someone. A blonde?” By now my jaw is clenched so hard that it feels like it’s about to shatter, my hands balled into tight fist. 

“Sorry about your grandmother but that’s bullshit. Costia said you both knew we were here. And that blonde, is Clarke. She means a lot to me and I will protect her at all cost, Echo. So don’t even fucking try to fuck it up. I won’t let things go like they did with Costia and Becca. It’d be best if you walked out of here, right now and don’t look back. Pretend you never saw us tonight.”

“Now this is the Alexandria I remember, the fifteen year old who couldn’t control her temper. The reason her daddy is dead. He was only there because you decide to bust Becca’s head against the pavement. Maybe if you would’ve gave Costia the attention she deserved for even dating you, she wouldn’t have cheated. She wouldn’t have been at the party, showing off her better looking girlfriend. You wouldn’t have gotten arrested and your daddy wouldn’t have had to come and get your punk ass. You’re the reason he’s dead. He wasn’t going to let you sit overnight in jail at fifteen with that other punk Raven so even though he was drinking, he came to get you. I know what happened, Lexa. He was trying to talk to you and you slapped him for coming to get you when he had been drinking. The slap caused him to swerve, slamming head on into another driver who was swerving themselves. It’s always your fault.” The tears wouldn’t stop falling, I couldn’t control the sobs racking through my body. “You’re a pathetic murderer.” That was the last straw. Straightening my body, I stand, my eyes burrowing into hers. 

“Fuck you, Echo. You know NOTHING about me, what actually happened that night and you certainly don’t know what happened with my dad. You’re a fucking bitch who is just jealous and bitter because Anya dumped your ass for Gustus.” Anger flashes in her eyes before something else takes over. A small smile creeps onto her face.

“You didn’t tell her, Anya? Anya told me everything that happened that night. She was in my bed that night, blaming you for your father’s death and by your reaction, everything I said was true. It was your fault and it will ALWAYS be your fault!” Before I realize what i’m doing, my fist slams into the tall mirror to my left, pieces shattering, falling to the bathroom floor. I ignore the pain in my hand, glancing between my best friend and her ex.

“Anya…it’s not true. Tell me it’s not true.” I blink away the flood of tears threatening to spill. The door bangs open, Octavia and Raven standing in the doorway.

“It’s true.” Anya admits, her voice weak and full of regret.

“Echo? Lexa! Oh my god! Your hand! Come on, we need to leave. Anya, let’s go. Now.” Octavia begins dragging me out the door. I don’t turn back, I keep my head down in shame. After getting me in the passenger seat, O pulls out my first aid kit, and begins cleaning and bandaging my hand. “I won’t ask you about this now, but we are gonna talk about this before Clarke gets here tomorrow. Okay?” I nod, not trusting my own voice. An hour later we are all back at the cabin. Gustus drove home, being the least drunk out of all of them. I couldn’t face my friends just yet so I sat out at the pool, calming myself to forget tonight’s events. As I sit, watching the moonlight dance on the lake, I pull out my phone. I promised Clarke I would call her, I hope i’m not too late. I dial her number and take a deep breath to calm my already racing heart.

"Hey, I almost forgot you were gonna call me. Sorry, I was laying down. What's up?” I chuckle, hearing the sleepiness in her voice. 

“It’s alright, I just got back with everyone. They got shit-faced early on in the night so we left. God, it's so good to hear your voice.” I fib to her, not wanting to explain the bathroom scenario, pulling my knees to my chest. I hear muffled sounds of her moving around. 

"What time would you like to meet tomorrow? I have to let my mom know what time to be ready by. It's a two hour drive also so maybe eleven?" I think a moment before responding to her. 

“Yeah, eleven will be fine. Everyone should be off doing their own thing by then so if you’d like we can always sit here at the house if it gets too hot.” 

“Okay, cool. That’ll be nice. So…I miss laying with you…” She admits, my heart explodes. 

"I do too, I miss holding you in my arms.  The smell of your conditioner and the way your warm skin feels on mine." I smile, allowing my emotions to take over like they always do when i’m around her. “What are you thinking about right now?” I ask.

"Would you believe me if I said you?" She’s thinking about me?

"Would you believe me if I said I was thinking about you too?"  I smile, looking up at the moon wondering if she sees it too.

"Lexa, there's a lot we need to talk about first. A lot of things that could change whatever this is between us. I just hope you'll hear me out and we can work through it." I sigh, getting up and making my back inside and up to my room. 

"I understand, we will talk about all of this tomorrow. It's late, get some sleep and I will see you in the morning. Goodnight, beautiful.” I hear her muffle a reply before the call ends. My heart is still racing an hour after the call as I lay in bed, watching the stars on the ceiling. My mind begins to play the bathroom scene over again. 

Echo. Of all places in town, she chose the one we just happened to be at? Where was Costia? Is she in town too? Fuck. This is bad, really fucking bad. Anya… she blamed me for my dad’s death? Does Raven? Yeah, I shouldn’t have been at that party or drinking at fifteen. Yeah yeah, whatever. Maybe Echo’s right…I didn’t give Costia the attention she needed but that doesn’t excuse her fucking cheating on me!

Flashback

“Costia?” I ask, reaching out for her wrist. She spins, pushing me back.

“Don’t touch me, Lexa. Oh my god, are you drunk? God, you’re such a fucking alcoholic. I hope it kills you.” I shake my head, causing the room to start spinning. 

“I’m not drunk. I’m not an alcoholic either! Why are you here?” I ask, my eyes never leaving hers until I see a hand intertwine with hers.

“Hey babe, you okay?” The dark skinned girl asked my girlfriend. 

“Yeah, Becca. This is Lexa.” Costia watches me, gauging my reaction as she leans up and kisses the girl beside her.

“Lexa, this is my girlfriend, Becca.” She grins, watching my face turn red in rage, my fists clenching.

“No Costia, you’re my girlfriend!” I spit, my jaw clenching. 

“Ha! No bitch, I’ve been cheating on you for months. Get over yourself, we’re done. We’ve been done. Have a great night, Lex. Get fucking drunk and fall off a bridge.” Becca turns, pulling MY girlfriend with her. 

“No, you don’t fucking get to walk away!” I yell, chasing after her. Letting my anger take over, I grab for Costia’s arm but I trip over my own feet, knocking her to the ground under me.

“Get the fuck off my girlfriend, you bitch.” Becca snaps, pushing me off to the side. “She doesn’t want you! Just leave her alone!” I pick myself up before hurling towards Becca. My body slams into hers, her head impacting the ground. I don’t realize she’s unconscious and bloody until Raven is pulling me off of her. 

“Lexa! What the hell?!” Costia slaps me, my cheek stinging from the pain. “Stay the hell away from me!” Shaking my head, I let Raven drag me away but we don’t get far enough before the cops catch up to us. 

“It’s going to be fine. Your dad is on his way.” Raven reassures me, rubbing circles on my back as we wait in the back of the police car. 

End Flashback

I had known she was cheating on me, she never wanted to hang out, never kissed me. But I didn’t accept it. I drowned myself in alcohol that my dad kept hidden in the back of the pantry. After my dad died, I turned to women to make myself feel better. I craved the attention more than the sex. They were just something to keep myself distracted. I managed to keep my grades steady enough to get accepted to college. 

I jump, flinging my phone across the room as my door is thrown open. I look over at Raven who is grinning wickedly.

“What the hell, Raven? What time is it?!” I ask, getting up to grab my phone. 

“It’s like seven am. I thought you’d be asleep. Did you sleep at all? Who cares, let’s go.” She hobbles in, grabbing my shirt.

“Wait, go where? Raven! Are you drunk?” She shakes her head but doesn’t let go as she drags me out to the pool where everyone is standing naked. “What the fuck are you guys doing?! Put clothes on!” I shield my eyes, looking away. I saw more of my brother than I ever wanted to see.

“Oh hush, we’re playing a game. Strip and get in.” Giving her the best glare I can, I step back.

“I’m not getting in there. Hell no. What kind of fucking game is this? Guys! You need to get out of the pool, get dressed and go out and do something. Clarke will be here soon and I have to clean up.” I huff, turning back and walking back inside. I hear Raven yell to me but I close the door before she can yell any louder. I busy myself with cleaning the empty bottles and pizza boxes scattered throughout the house. At nine the group walks in, laughing and joking around before splitting off and going to their designated rooms to change. 

“Hey, we’re gonna go shopping in town. It’s already ten so we want to give you some time. Need anything? Do you know how long Clarke will be here for?” I turn to see Nyko standing in the threshold to the kitchen. His jeans hanging low on his hips, the dark grey v-neck showing off his tribal chest tattoo. 

Shaking my head, I shrug. “No, I don’t need anything. I hope she’ll agree to stay with us but we have a lot to talk about and I don’t want to assume anything so let me know when you guys are ready to come back and I will let you know then what’s gonna happen. Deal?” He nods, giving me a soft smile. 

“Ryder said he’s gonna come for a few days, so you guys can finish your arm wrestling match.” With a chuckle, he turns and follows the group out. Octavia shoots me a look, nodding I understand that we’ll talk when she gets back. Ryder and I grew up together on this lake, Anya…Anya and him had a fling back in middle school but Anya fell in love with Echo soon after that. 

Deciding that I need to get ready for Clarke to get here, I make my way back to my room. I strip, climbing into the shower to wash off the night’s events. The heat of the water burns my skin but rejuvenates my tired body. I am going to be opening myself up to Clarke. Exposing the truth and a side of me that I don’t want to remember. Will she run when she realizes what I did? Will she still want to work things out?

I shut off the water, stepping out of the shower before wrapping a towel around me. Sorting through my closet I decide on a pair of athletic shorts, a plain green t-shirt. Tying up my wild curls in a loose bun, I pocket my phone and lay back on my bed. 

“Mom, what do I do? What if I can’t open up to her? I didn’t get the chance to talk to O and now I feel like i’m gonna say something wrong. I wish you were still here. It’s not fair…Maybe dad’s death was my fault but there was no reason I had to lose you too. Lincoln’s doing a good job taking care of me, I promise. But I need you, mom. I need you to sing me to sleep, I need you to hold my hand when i’m scared. I can’t do this alone anymore.” I hastily wipe the tears streaming down my face. After a moment of composing myself, I walk outside and sit up on the bench swing.  
“Even if I wanted to and I can't change, even if I tried even if I wanted to. My love, my love, my love, my love. She keeps me warm, she keeps me warm” My phone notifies me of a text from Clarke.

Clarke<3:I’ll be there in fifteen. I brought a bag…I told my mom that she could stay around town and shop for awhile just in case though.

Lexa:): That’s alright, we’ll see how it goes.

My leg begins to bounce, fuck i’m nervous. Mom, why aren’t you here? Fifteen minutes later I watch as a navy blue Chevrolet Suburban makes it’s way down the driveway to where i’m standing. My heart races, my eyes begin to burn. The tears I try to fight back threaten to break through as I watch Clarke get out. Before I realize what’s happening, her arms around my neck, her legs around my waist. Her face is buried in my neck, I feel her peppering kisses there, trailing up my jaw. They then cross my cheek until our lips meet. Home. I’m home. This is what my dad always said love will feel like when you find it. Her thumbs rub against my jaw, our lips moving in sync. I pull her closer, my arms tightening around her waist. Breaking for a moment so we can breathe, our foreheads pressed together, I kiss her nose.

“Fuck. I didn’t realize how much I missed you until this moment.” I rub my nose on her cheek, kissing her entire face. She nods in agreement, kissing my lips again softer this time but I can’t deny it still feels safe. “I’m home with you.” Her blue eyes lock on my green ones.

“I don’t know if I can handle being without you. Lex, how did this happen? How did my heart fall in love with you in just a few days?” Shaking my head, I look at her before kissing her softly.

“I have no idea, my love. Let’s go talk though because if we stand here any longer, your mother may murder me.” She turns, looking at her mother through the windshield. Nodding in agreement, she loosens her grip on me as I let her down and she walks back over and gives her mom a kiss. I watch as she open the back door, leaning in to grab her bag and kissing a young child on the head before coming back over to me, waving goodbye to her mom. “Who was that?” I ask, watching her face.

“I’ll explain it, come on.” She reaches for my hand, lacing our fingers together as I let her lead me to our bedroom where she places her bag inside. “Where do you wanna talk?” I shrug.

“Wherever you would like to. Wherever you feel comfortable.” She then drags me down the movie room. Plopping down on the massive couch/bed, she curls up in the fuzzy blanket.

“Come here, loser. We may need to have a serious talk but I still want to hold you.” Without a second thought, I crawl under the blanket, laying my head on her shoulder. Her arms go around me, pulling me closer. “Do you to start or do you want me to?” Looking up at her, I see she’s nervous but I know she sees how terrified I am.

“If you want to, you can start but either way we both need to talk.” She nods, taking a deep breath before exhaling slowly.

“Okay, here we go. When I was a freshman in high school, we had this teacher’s assistant in my Advanced Algebra class. He was tall, had long shaggy dark brown hair, he was cute. All the girls had crushes on him, I think it also had to do with the fact that he was a senior but anyways. One day I stayed after to get some tutoring for a big test that was coming up at the end of the week. I walked into the classroom and I saw him sitting there. He informed me that my teacher had to leave early and that he was available to help me if I needed it. Of course having a crush on him and then getting to be alone with him, how could I say no to this opportunity? So, I agreed and during the two hours I was there, he flirted with me, tucking my hair behind my ear. Ya know, those subtle gestures. We continued this for a few months, he would bring me lunch or we would go out the movies a few times. Then things changed, school had just gotten out and there was a huge end of the year bash down at the lake in town. He, of course, invited me to come with him but I had to lie to my parents about it so they would let me go.” I feel her begin to tremble behind me, I sit up, pulling her into my lap for reassurance that i’m here for her. Taking a moment she composes herself before continuing.

“He was drunk an hour after we got there. I wasn’t a drinker so I just hung out around everyone but didn’t participate in any of the party games. I was starting to get pissed off that he kept groping my ass and boobs. I finally got fed up and walk away from him but he followed me down the beach. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back to him, trying to kiss me but with him being so drunk, he was making out with my chin more than anything. He was a pretty strong guy so it was hard for me to pull away. Being as it was a huge party, the music was loud and it seemed to drown out my screams for help as he threw me down into the sand. He chugged the rest of his beer before tossing the cup aside and pinning my body down. I struggled against his hand that held mine above my head, though it was no use, I kept trying. He then unbuttoned his shorts, pushing them down to his knees and pulled mine off.” I wipe the tears that are creating streaks down her cheeks. 

“Clarke, if you want to stop…I don’t need the details…” She nods and kisses me softly, pressing her forehead to mine. She wipes her face off, trying to compose herself enough to continue such a heart wrenching experience. Her sniffles accompany each detail she reveals. 

“No. It’s okay. You need to know what happened. Okay. I tried to scream but he punched me in the face. I gave up fighting after that, he jammed into me. I screamed from the pain but he just hit me again and again until I stopped screaming because I was so exhausted. I don’t remember how long he raped me for because the next thing I remember, I woke up on the beach the next morning alone. Everyone was either passed out or gone. I grabbed my clothes and called a friend of mine to come and get me since she was my ride home. When she picked me up I told her what happened and she kept trying to get me to go tell someone but I made her promise not to tell. I didn’t find out what happened to him until later that day. He must have decided to drive home that night, he ended up swerving into another car and killed the driver, injuring the other passengers. I still don’t know a lot except that their was a girl, my age in the car who had gotten out and tried to save Finn even though she was hurt.” My heart stops. No wonder this all felt familiar. Finn. No, this can’t be right. I hear her suck in a deep breath before continuing. 

“Her name is Alexandria. I never got to meet her but I wish I could have. Maybe tell her she attempted to save the man who raped me. A few weeks later, I got really sick and that’s when I found out I was pregnant. I called my mom crying, asking her what to do. My parents don’t believe in abortion, just because the father was a rapist doesn’t mean the child would be like him. I kept her, I named her after the girl who was the most effected by Finn’s actions, the kindness in her heart for a drunken stranger who killed her father. My “cousin” I was on the phone with, that was her. Alex is five now, she’s beautiful. She’s who you saw me kiss in the car. She’s my entire world and I would do anything for her. I was lucky that my parents supported me and had the money and time to help me raise this beautiful girl while I went to school. I only got so angry because you guys can joke about stories with your ex whereas with Finn, I could never tell stories of funny times because we didn’t have any. Even if we did, they’ve all been tainted by the events of that night.” Her eyes search my face, looking for any emotion that would mean we were done. I shake my head and take her hands in mine. Staring into those blue orbs, I smile.

“I bet you’re an amazing mom. I’m so sorry that you had to go through all of that but I am glad that you have become this strong as fuck woman. I’m so proud of you.” I kiss her nose. “I want to meet her. I want to see mini Clarke. I bet you, I will fall in love with her just like i’m falling in love with you.” I clamp my hand over my mouth, my eyes wide in shock at my own words. Her eyes widen, then I watch her burst out in a fit of laughter.

“Oh my god, you’re so adorable.” Turning to me, her eyes slightly squinted with a crooked smirk on her face. “I think I am falling in love with you too, Lexa.” I place my hand on the back of her neck, pulling her face to mine. My lips capture hers, the warmth spreading through my chest. She feels like home. Safety. But I still need to explain my story. Pulling back a bit, I groan at the loss of contact before staring at her.

“I have some things to explain too. Just hear me out and I will explain everything.” She nods, scooting back against the back of the couch. 

“I’m all ears, love.” I take a deep breath before explaining my version of the events. 

“I didn’t tell you the whole story about the crash. Yes, I was at party but…Okay. I had been with Costia for two years at that point, I knew she was cheating on me but I didn’t really care to pay attention to it because I was “in love” and the sex was good so. Anyways, she shows up there, i’m already drunk yes at fifteen, with her new girlfriend Becca. She never even said it was over, just ‘Hey, look my new girlfriend who isn’t you.’ Of course, me being drunk and pissed off, I tried to get her to talk to me but when I reached for her hand, I tripped and fell on her. Becca kicked me off of Costia which infuriated me even more and I went after Becca. I slammed her into the road, punching and beating her until she was unconscious. They ended up calling the police and ran and I was arrested. Raven and I were placed in the back of the police car until my dad came to get us. I hadn’t known he’d been drinking until we had gotten halfway home and he started to reprimand me for getting into a fight over a girl and making him drive out there to get me after he’d already had a few drinks.” I get up to grab a water bottle, silently asking if Clarke would like one. When she nods, I grab another and climb back into the corner with her. 

“He was pissed off, Raven was asleep in the backseat. He yelled at me, the first time he had raised his voice in a long time. Saying that I made some really stupid choices and that I was lucky they didn’t charge me for underage drinking and assault. He had tightened his grip on the steering wheel. ‘Damn it, Alexandria! All because you got jealous over a girl who never cared about you, I had to drive out here to get you! You’re lucky the cops didn’t realize I have been drinking!’” I watch Clarke face as I quote my fathers words. My full name rolling off my tongue, her eyes widening in realization as I finish the story. 

“I slapped him. I was angry at myself, at him, at Costia. I slapped him and he swerved into the oncoming car. Finn’s. I don’t remember much but I couldn’t walk. As I have said, my knee was shattered from being slammed into the dash. I couldn’t move Raven once I saw the metal in her back so I called 911 before checking on my dad. He was bloody, his head was gushing out blood.” I shudder at the memory. I feel her hand tighten in mine, reassuring me that it’s okay. “I didn’t know what else to do so I dragged myself out of the car and over to the man in the other car. The steering wheel was pressed against his chest, crushing him against the seat. I tried my best to make him comfortable until the paramedics got there. But he died before they got to the hospital. My dad’s brain had completely shut down. His body gave up, the swelling was too severe. It’s my fault my dad’s dead, Finn’s dead and Raven will never be able to use her leg again.” She grabs my face, forcing me to look at her. Wiping the tears from my eyes, she bores into them.

“Hey, no. None of that shit! It’s not your fault! Finn shouldn’t have been driving and neither should your dad. Lexa, you tried to save them. There wasn’t much you could’ve done. Costia is a fucking bitch by the way.” She kisses the back of my hand, her eyes never leaving mine. “Thank you. For having a heart, for trying to save a stranger even though he was just as drunk and a rapist.” She tries to chuckle but they quickly become sobs as she thinks of that night. The night that changed our lives. I pull her close again, holding her against my chest. 

“After his funeral, my mom locked herself in her room for days. Lincoln was drowning himself in work and school. I turned to woman and booze. I’d go to school, come home with a random girl and we’d fuck and i’d get drunk. Everyday was the same thing, a never ending cycle. Raven started getting better and then finally Octavia had enough of me being drunk all the time. She came over one day, slapped so hard I swear I sobered up immediately. We talked for hours until I was in her lap crying and spilling my feelings to her. Inhaling, I scan her face, admiring her beauty. “Things were rough for both of us I see. But look where we are now. Oh, the other morning, when I went swimming? Costia had texted me…” Showing her the messages, I watch in amusement as Clarke begins going off about how crazy Costia is.  
 “She’s fucking insane! I dare her to try and come at me. I fucking dare her.” At this point, Clarke was pacing my room. Reaching out, I pull her back to me. 

“Relax, she won’t. Echo may but I doubt Costia’s that brave to just come at us without a plan. Echo may have been the first step though.” At her quizzical look, I explain the night before in great detail. “I think Echo really just wants Anya back in her life. They were going to get married, but that’s not my story to tell. That’s theirs and I can guarantee that you will hear it soon enough. Gustus knew that he was only filling in for Echo while she was away so we’ll see how that goes.” Clarke lays her head back on my chest, listening to my heart beat. 

“You’re brave, Lexa. After everything, you’re still going strong. I hope one day you’ll talk more about your parent but i’m content with waiting until you’re ready. Okay?” I nod, kissing her head. “Also, we’re gonna work on that temper of yours! I didn’t want to ask about your hand in case of an embarrassing story but i’m glad it was only a mirror you punched this time.” Laughing, I thread my good hand between her hair. I relax into our position, my mind sorting through thoughts.

 

“Clarke, can we talk about something else for a second?” Her head pops up and looking into my eyes, she raises an eyebrow. “You named your daughter after me.” I can’t help but laugh which causes her to smile. 

“I did, didn’t I?” My lip twitches, leaning in I kiss her again. “Do you want to meet her?” She asks after we pull away. I suck in a deep breath. 

“How could I say no? I would love to meet her. I told you, I will fall in love with her just like I am with you.” Her hands wind themselves into my curls, pulling my face to hers. Our lips are inches apart.

“We can meet up for dinner, maybe have just you meet her first? Then we can see what happens? None of this changes anything Lex. I still want you, I want to be with you. We just have a lot to work on. Including my relationship insecurities. So…You’re actually the first person i’ve slept with since that night. For years, I couldn’t even bear to kiss anyone. But you, I knew immediately that you were different. I felt so safe in your arms, I didn’t really realize that I had let you in until after we had the best sex ever.” I chuckle, closing the space between us. 

“I would love that. I want you both to be in my life, I would never take you and not her. She is named after me. I’m glad you felt that you could trust me, that means a lot on my part. But I think I have something in mind for the time being…if you’re up to it.” I wink, nipping at her bottom lip. Her hands slip under the hem of my shirt, grasping at the taunt muscles there. Pushing me down, she straddles my waist.

“Maybe we should take this upstairs. I have a surprise for you.” She climbs down off the couch, waiting for me to follow her to our bedroom. We race up the stairs, our hands wound in the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this has taken so long! I've been debating how long I wanted it to be but I got it to where I wanted it. I'm going to start on Chapter 6 now hopefully we will have the update next Wednesday but I will keep you updated!
> 
> Hit me up if you have any questions or comments either on here,  
> Twitter: Clexaownsmyass  
> Tumblr:clexaownsmyass19
> 
> Thank you guys for being patient!


	6. Otherside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's difficult past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, SORRY! I know it took forever to write this one but I wanted it to be the best I could without being ridiculously long. Warning: drugs
> 
> Kinda sad, but it'll all go into what's going to come up later on. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did writing it and a good time at the end!  
> This has NOT been edited so if you see any mistakes, i'm sorry!

~Clarke’s POV~

Her body slams mine against the bedroom door, pinning me there. The gasps for breath are the only sounds that can be heard in the house. Needing to feel her against me, I tug at her shirt, yanking it off in a hurry. Her teeth capture my bottom lip, yanking softly.

“Everything off. Now.” Lexa growls, stripping us both in record time. Her hands grab the back of my thighs, grabbing and lifting them up around her torso. I feel my core heat up, my body reacting to the way she is pressed against me. 

Lexa turns, walking us back to the bed where she gently lays me down. My legs still wrapped around her, I pull her face back to mine in a bruising kiss. Flipping us over, I pin Lexa to the mattress beneath us. God she makes my head feel dizzy. 

With her back in bed with me, I let my instincts and desire take over. Our bodies bringing the other’s to places we’ve never been. 

—————————————————————————————————————————

 

“Fuck, Lex. How the hell have you turned me into a sex addict already?” I mumble, burying my face in her curls. I feel her body shake with laughter. My body still vibrating with the aftershocks of our shared orgasm. I think I love her…I love feeling her heat underneath me. Being close to me, it makes me feel like I’m on cloud nine. 

“I turned you into a sex addict? I can’t help that I work well with my hands! You’re the one who’s got me addicted.” I glare up at her, nipping at her chin. “Okay! Fine, we’re both addicted but it seems like it’s only to each other.” She exclaims. Nodding, satisfied with her answer, I lay my head back down on her chest. Our naked bodies entwined together after three vehement rounds of love making. 

“Alexandria.” I test her full name out on my tongue. I wasn’t used to calling anyone else but my daughter by that name but now, it’s almost like we were meant to come together. Soulmates?

“Do you believe that we’re soulmates or are you questioning what I think about them?” Lexa asks, making me realize I said that out loud. I silently start to panic. 

“Do you think there was a reason everything happened and that’s why our lives are so entwined? That our souls were made to come together at that moment?” I question, kissing her clavicle. Her left hand traces circles on my hip while her right locks our fingers together. 

“I have always believed that we were meant to find each other. Our lives are not just big coincidences. But I would rather be doing more than talking about how I feel, I want to show you, if you think you can handle it.” Pushing myself up onto my elbows, I stare down at her. Her wild mane of curls framing her defined jaw, the pair of piercing green eyes that search my own blue ones. Smirking, I kiss her softly then jump out of bed to grab my sketchbook out of my bag. Settling back onto the edge of the bed, I take in my- 

“Lexa?” I hear her grunt, acknowledging me though her eyes were closed. “What are we?” Popping open one eye, she trains it on me.

“What do you want to be?” Shrugging, I try to hide the sheepish smile threatening to give way. My eyes begin traveling her body, taking in every detail as I begin to sketch.

“I want to be your girlfriend. But only if you’ll be mine?” I ask subtlety, my eyes flickering to hers as I patiently await a response. 

“You want to be mine?” She replies, questioning my own question. 

“Lexa, will you be my girlfriend or do I have to literally spell it out for you?” At that, she leans over to me, pulling me into a kiss full of passion and more love than I have ever felt radiate out of another human being. I pull back in order to finish my sketch and not get sucked into another round of love making. My pencil flows over the paper, capturing the sleek tone of her legs, the curve of her hips, the tight rippling abdomen. Her thin, tan and toned body, drawing me in for more. 

As her arms piece together, a sliver of something imperfect of a flawless catches my roaming eyes. Faint but painstakingly familiar scars litter her arms from the years of self doubt and hatred. I personally knew the pain of hating yourself and your body, begging to eradicate the pain from within. My heart drops, within the scattered scars are tiny round bruises laid in a perfect line down her vein. I knew those marks…No god no Lexa. Setting my pad down, I watch her sit up and face me as she wraps her arms around herself. 

“Lex…please tell me those aren’t what I think they are. Please, tell me you got help and got better.” My eyes bore into hers, begging that she’s done with drugs. 

“Clarke, I have been sober for three years now. I’m done with those things. I just can’t erase the marks from my body. I can’t erase my past, only learn from it and make better choices. Please, baby. You have to believe me.” By now, Lexa is on her knees in front of me, her hands clasped together. She’s begging for me to trust her.

“Lexa, will you talk to me about this? I need to know everything…” Pulling on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, I sit back on the bed watching as Lexa does the same. I straddle her waist, my legs wrapped around her torso. I place my hands of the sides of her head, pressing a lingering kiss to her forehead. “You’re still my girlfriend, love. I just need to know the drugs you’ve done regardless of how long you’ve been sober.” She nods, pressing her face to my chest, taking in a deep breath before revealing a more painful part of her past.

“After my dad died, I was obviously drinking but I started smoking pot on top of the Vicodin I was given for my knee. I was smart enough to never mix the alcohol with the drugs. When they weren’t enough to numb the pain I began cutting on top of it. I couldn’t get that night out of my head. I was dying inside but I couldn’t bring myself to end it. The doctor eventually cut me off the Vicodin when I started getting better so I bought it off the street. I quit smoking pot because my mom started smelling it and was getting suspicious.” Taking a deep breath, she links her fingers with mine grounding herself to me. “I went to a party with a one nighter, all her friends were sippin’ on lean and I just wanted to fit in and be cool. I didn’t realize I was really addicted to the pills until I couldn’t go a few hours without popping them but by then, I was addicted to lean as well. I was skipping school to get high with people I barely knew. I was having sex with any woman willing, but that’s not even my lowest point. Cocaine was my next drug of choice. Who ever thinks they would do coke? Seventeen year old me certainly didn’t until I was peer pressured by a guy at yet another rave I went to. ‘Come on, take one sniff and if you don’t like it then you don’t have to take anymore.’ I took one and the buzz hit me almost immediately. The high lasted throughout the entire night. I quickly became friends with the guy “Juice” they call him. We started meeting every weekend at his place, getting high as fuck and passing out on his couch.” Lexa stands, beginning to pace. She must be getting to the tougher parts of her past. My heart breaks to see her this distraught of these memories. I settle back against the headboard, pulling a pillow to my chest awaiting the rest of the story.

 

~Lexa’s POV~

Pacing, I wring my hands. Does Clarke think less of me now that I’m telling her about the darker parts of my past? I haven’t even gotten to the worst part…I stop and face her, tucking one leg under me as I sit on the end of the bed. 

“The summer of my senior year, I started to spend practically everyday with Juice. I would spend days at a time at his place. I’d go home once of twice to shower and get new clothes and then I would leave. Lincoln had been gone and looking back now I feel horrible because my mom was always home alone. But anyways, one night Juice wanted to try out something that he’d seen a buddy of his do the weekend before. I had just shrugged it off, I had done plenty of drugs before. This wouldn’t be any different, right? I was dead wrong.”

Flashback  
Juice pulled out two needles, still in the sterile packages. 

“Hell no! I can’t shoot up! What the fuck are you thinking, Juice?! Are you fucking crazy?” I yelled at him, throwing my hands up. 

“Dude, relax! No one will know! It takes quite a few times for the bruising to show. You’ll be fine come on! I promise you, I’ve watched some buddies of mine do it and they taught me how to measure it out so we don’t OD.” Dragging my hand through my hair, I realize I haven’t showered in well over a week and my face was starting to break out again. But that didn’t matter right now, in this moment, all I needed was to get high and that’s exactly what I was planning on doing. After following his step by step directions, Juice shot up first and I followed suit. The exhilarating rush that coursed through my veins pumping the drugs straight to my heart and head. I begin to feel dizzy and know i’m losing consciousness from the new form of drug taking. 

-The next morning-

Groaning, I roll over and off the couch. The pounding in my head worsens.

“Fuck.” I grumble before sitting up and checking my surroundings. Memories of the night before rush back to me, reaching down I rub a the small bandaid over the injection sight. I rub my face with my hands. “Juice?” I call out, pulling myself up to stand. I grab my keys and phone, checking his room to see if he’s even here. 

“Juice? You still here?” With no response, I write a note and leave it on the table before grabbing the kit and heading back to my house. Today is the anniversary of my dad’s death and the only day Lincoln even comes home. To be fair, he does it mostly for our mother more than me. He knows I’m on drugs but Nyko convinced him to just give me time to work through things. Arriving at the house with too many memories to be called home, I get out, throwing the kit into my book bag before climbing up the tree into my room. I can hear Lincoln downstairs telling the story about my fifth birthday were I accidentally pulled our dad into the pool because I was too eager to wait. His phone was destroyed and it took three days to dry out his wallet. I chuckle at the memory, letting the tears pool in my eyes. I miss him. Quickly showering I make myself look decent, hoping to not look like a complete junky. 

As I enter the kitchen, my mom turns to me with the biggest smile; a smile I haven’t seen in years. 

“Hi mom…” She takes the few steps before enveloping me in a suffocating hug. “I missed you too.” I chuckle.

“I’m so glad you came home, sweetheart. Lincoln, get over here and huge your sister!” Letting me go, I face my brother. His face is stern, scanning me and I can almost hear his heart shatter as he takes in my jeans and long sleeved shirt though it’s scorching outside. I’m caught off guard as Nyko wraps me up in his burly embrace.

“Hi Nyk, it’s great to see you!” Setting me down, he grins. I know it’s hard for them to see me so broken but today is my fault. It will always be my fault.

“Lex, it’s been too damn long! You need to come over and have dinner with us one of these days!” I see Lincoln shoot him a look, pleading him to stop. Lincoln may not blame me for today but he resents me for turning to drugs to heal the pain I feel. I let the conversation slip away with a nod and Lincoln doesn’t make a move towards me. We eat lunch in a slightly uncomfortable silence but that’s broken when Nyko excuses himself to go to the restroom. 

“So, Lexa. What have you been up to?” Lincoln knows he’s reaching and he knows I know it by the slight smirk he’s flashing. He can’t leave shit well enough alone!

“I’ve been busy training to get my knee back into shape so I can play this year.” I watch as my mother’s smile grows, excited that I am back into soccer but Lincoln’s face is unreadable.

“Good, are you still training with Octavia or did she leave you for Raven again?” Mom smacks his leg gently scolding him for taking a jab at my friendships. 

“Actually Linc, we have been practicing together. Raven doesn’t fucking blame me like you do! She knows it was a fucking accident!” I stand, shoving back my chair the topples over backwards. My finger shoots out, pointing to my brother. “Fuck you, Lincoln. You only bother to come around on the anniversary because you feel shitty that I killed dad. You have always blamed me for EVERYTHING! We all know what i’ve been doing with my life, so fuck off! I came to spend today with mom because she deserves to have her kids here since I fucking killed her husband. I fucking lost him too! But I’m the one who has to fucking live with it. I don’t want to fucking hear your shit! What have you been doing? Being the golden child, a highly respected lawyer with his doctor boyfriend? Just because you have your life “together” doesn’t fucking mean that you have ANY fucking right to judge mine!” My knuckles are sheet white as I grip the edge of the table. My temper is threatening to take over my body but for my mother’s sake, I reel it back in by taking a few slow deep breaths. I flinch at the feeling of a hand on the small of my back, rubbing small circles at the base of my spine. I know immediately who it is. The one person who has never blamed me for that night, for changing of lives forever. I sob into her neck, her strong arms holding me up when I’m weak. Mom holds me tightly, helping me to the couch where i curl up in her lap. I let my emotions take over and for the first time in three years I cry until I fall asleep in my moms arms. Letting her warmth cocoon me, I breathe in her familiar perfume and the sense of home I get around her. 

When I wake, I find myself in my bedroom. Mom must have had Lincoln or most likely Nyko carry me up here from the couch. Shit. What time is it? I hope he hasn’t left…he may be my brother but after a fight like that? We have a lot to talk about. Reluctantly, I pull myself out of bed and begin my search for my old brother. It doesn’t take long to find him in his old bedroom; he perched himself on the nook that overlooks our front yard. 

“Linc?” I almost think he doesn’t hear me except the small smile that appears indicates he did.

“Lex, I’m sorry.” He stands, holding open his arms and I don’t hesitate to run straight into them. He holds me tightly against him, knowing his intentions I sink farther into the embrace. “I’m so sorry, I’m the shittiest big brother in the entire world. I know it’s not your fault and I shouldn’t blame my little sister for something that was beyond your control.” The tears I thought I had released earlier flowed out of me. Clutching his shirt, we stand there neither saying a word. I feel him press a kiss to the crown of my head a moment before he pulls back. Wiping my tears, he laughs. “I love you, my little Lexacoon.” I playfully punch him for using my god-awful nickname from a teary eyed little girl who thought she could be a warrior and use mom’s makeup as war paint. 

“I love you too, Linc. I blame myself, I mean how could I not?” I shrug, sitting on the other side of where he’s sitting on the bench. “Why did I even go to that stupid party? If I hadn’t dragged Raven to that party, she could still use her leg and dad would be here with us…” I let the conversation trail off as I feel another wave of sadness rush over me. God damn I miss him. 

“Lexa, I should have came to get you. I didn’t realize dad drank as much as he did, I let him go! If I had come, we would’ve been in my truck which sits up higher, drives faster and is a lot safer than dad’s car was. We can’t keep blaming ourselves, sweetie. Everything happens for a reason, Lexa. If that night hadn’t of happened, where do you think we’d be?” I can feel the guilt that he feels because I know the feeling that’s held me for three years. 

“Honestly, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t be addicted to drugs…” I look up at the boy beside me. Lincoln’s been my best friend my entire life and to be where we’re at in our lives, it’s crazy to believe. “I’m sorry I let you and mom down…I’m gonna try to get better. I promise I will.” He only can nod before pulling me into another hug, smoothing my hair.

“I know, I know you will. I’m gonna be here for you the entire time. I promise.” He kisses my head again. I revel in the feeling of home, safety. Looking up I notice mom and Nyko standing the doorway, watching us. 

“Let’s come down and have dinner, yeah?” Mom asks, motioning for us to follow her. Dinner goes much better than lunch did and we end the night with my dad’s favorite movie, “Saving Private Ryan.” 

End Flashback

I pause the story, watching Clarke’s reaction to the load I had just spilled on her. I was afraid that she’d see me as too damaged, that I would always just be a junkie. 

“Clarke?” I am hesitant, tugging on the hem of my shirt. I glance up, my eyes meeting deep blues. Hers are filled with sympathy but never pity. She recognizes my strength, just as I recognized hers. I watch cautiously as she moves so that she is straddling my waist, back to our position where her head is on my chest. She simply nods, indicating for me to continue my story. I’ve never told anyone what I was telling her now. I always hid my past from anyone who tried to get close to me, though not many people were successful enough to get as close as Clarke has to my heart. After Costia, I refused to fall in love again. Love only cause pain, it’s a weakness to love someone. But Clarke? She’s changed everything, I love her. I don’t know how but it’s “Love at first sight” kind of thing. The moment I saw her, I knew she’d become special to me; more so than anyone ever has or ever will be. 

Taking a deep breath, I breathe in her shampoo. I allow her to fill my senses, the way her arms tighten around my upper chest, her warm breath on my neck as she breathes steadily. She reminds me so much of my mother, the way I felt in her arms. This, her. Home. Safety. 

“I was clean for the rest of the summer and most of my senior year but over winter break, Juice and I got together for Christmas and I caved in to shooting up. I didn’t remember it the next day but I saw the needle marks and so I asked Juice about it and he explained that he asked me to shoot up with him and I freaked out when he told me it was heroine. I ended up punching him in the eye before I passed out. I couldn’t get enough of it. I started slacking off, skipping school again to get high. I was on H for three months and then my mom finally stepped in.” Letting out a shaky breath, I feel Clarke press kisses to my jaw. I rub my arms gently, ignoring the itch within them. Remembering how the needle felt, sliding under my skin. The rushing feeling as the drug filled my veins. 

 

Flashback

Drying my hair, I pull on a pair of sweatpants and the matching hoodie. The knock on the door makes me turn, seeing my mom step into my room.

“Hey mom, I thought you were at work.” Taking a seat on the edge of my bed, I tuck my feet underneath my body. Why was mom home?

“I took the day off. Alexandria, there’s something I need to talk to you about sweetheart.” My heart sinks, an uneasy feeling returns to my stomach. Nodding, I stare down at the floor. I can’t bear to look her in the eyes. Does she know? Has she seen the recent bruises scattered on my arms?

“Of course mom, what’s on your mind?” I try to keep my voice as steady as I possibly can.   
“I don’t know how to tell you this, Lexa. I had a heart attack a few months back, while you were gone and I needed open heart surgery.” I don’t mean to let the gasp escape but it does before I can stop it. She hurries on, “It didn’t go as well as planned and my heart can’t handle the strain anymore. I’m on the donor list but I am at the bottom. I don’t want you to worry, these things happen. But please, for the sake of an dying old woman and for the sake of your mothers heart, please go to rehab. Go get help, for me. I can’t imagine if Lincoln lost us both…Lexa please, I am begging you. I don’t want to die knowing that you’re an addict and I didn’t do anything. I’m going to be admitted to the hospital tomorrow night for monitoring. I’ve already arranged a room for you at one of the best rehab facilities in the country.” I nod, blinking away the tears. My moms dying and it’s my fault I was never around to see and take care of her. How could I be so stupid? I wasted all these years getting high when everything I needed was still here, in this house? 

“Of course mom, I will do anything for you.” I’m going to get better. I will no longer be just a junkie. I’m going to prove to my mom that her daughter can make something of herself. I won’t let her down, not again.

End Flashback

Clarke tilts her head up to look at me, bringing one hand up to wipe the tears that are rolling down my cheek. She presses another kiss to my collarbone before sitting up and pulling me into a tight hug. My arms wrap around her instantly, my face buried in her chest. We sit like this for awhile, my girlfriend letting me rein in my emotions. 

“I’m studying to be a doctor so that I can save people like her who deserve another chance. She didn’t deserve to die…” I can feel the sadness washing over me again but it’s broken, wiped away when Clarke kisses me gently on the lips. A slow, tender, passionate kiss that causes my heart to flutter. 

“You’re going to be an amazing doctor, Dr. Lucchese. So Italian, I love it.” She kisses me again, but I pull back slightly, a small smile on my lips.

“Dr. Griffin, I love the sound of that. And no, I am not thinking of your mom right now you sick, sick woman.” I capture her lips once again, pulling her closer. “Clarke, my past isn’t pretty, it’s still around me. Costia…she could come back, just to fuck things up between us. Please know that if she does decide to show her face, I don’t love her anymore. She destroyed me, almost destroyed my future. I won’t let her destroy the life I am making now. Our future.” My eyes search hers, but all I find is complete and utter love. 

“Lexa, Costia doesn’t stand a chance against me. I won’t let her hurt you, not again. We can face our demons together. I promise. I already texted my mom that we’re gonna meet for dinner so maybe we should start getting ready. Now come on, round four and five are waiting for us in the shower.” She stands, pulling me behind her into our bathroom. Slipping out of my shirt, I pull her flush against me, her ass pressing against me. 

“I think I have a surprise that you may like.” I whisper, nipping softly at her ear. Clarke groans, pressing further into me. My hands travel up the inside of her shirt, sliding it off and tossing it into the pile of clothes. I feel the coil in my abdomen tighten as my hand runs over her black lace bra. “Did you wear this just for me, Princess?” I feel her shiver against me. Her arms reach up, wrappings themselves around my head, her fingers run through my loose curls. Peppering her neck and shoulders with kisses, I pull off her jeans before bending her over, grabbing her hips as she presses back into me. Letting go, I quickly dispose of my own pants, revealing the leather strap-on holding the realistic dildo in place. Clarke spins around, taking in the sight of my cock. She lets a low growl escape from deep within her before she pins me against the shower wall. 

“You look so fucking hot right now, babe. This thick cock is going to feel so good in my pussy.” My knees turn to jelly as I listen to the seductive, dirty words Clarke speaks to me. Our lips reconnect, her tongue sliding across my bottom lip begging for entrance. Granting her exactly what she wants, her tongue battles mine for the dominant position. Clarke grinds against me, the toy rubbing against her sex as she turns on the shower. 

“Fuck Clarke.” I moan out, her teeth nip at my pulse point. I lift her up, her legs wrapping around my waist as the tip slips between her folds. “Say it, Clarke. Tell me what you want.” I breathe into her ear as I bite and suck on a spot on her neck. Pulling back, I notice the large bruise I’ve left behind, I capture her lips between mine once again. “Beg for it, Princess.” 

“Fuck me, please Lexa! Please fuck my tight pussy!” Her grip tightens on my shoulders as I gently slide the tip inside of her. Biting down on my shoulder, she pants out rhythmic moans as slowly guide the rest of my length within her. I pause to give her a moment to adjust to the length she isn’t familiar with. This is the first time Clarke’s taken anything longer than my fingers within her. I don’t want to hurt her so I thrust slowly, paying close attention to each whimper escaping her mouth. The way she bites down on me then soothing it with a swipe of her tongue only seems to twist the coil within me tighter. I need to feel her release, I need to satisfy the heat between my legs. 

I begin thrusting harder within her, spinning us around so that her back is pressed against the wall. I grunt at the feelings of her nails digging into my back, dragging up to my shoulders. That’s gonna leave a mark. Backing up, I sit on the shower bench as Clarke’s hands settle on the wall above me. Mine grip the blonde’s hips, helping her motions as she begins to ride the toy buried deep within her. The action causes the strap to rub against my own clit, bringing me closer to my release. Releasing one side of her, I plunge my other hand between us and begin to rub her clit. 

“Fuck baby, yes! I want you to come with me baby!” She screams as she rides me faster. I can’t hold my moans in anymore, my climax approaches quickly as I circle Clarke’s clit. Her eyes flutter closed, her impending climax making itself known. “Baby, I’m gonna come!” She screams out, clutching her closer to me I thrust up against her rhythm and push both of us over the edge. Clarke slows, falling farther into me as we ride out the other orgasm. Once we’ve both calmed our breathing she looks up at me, a grin on her face. Her hands cup my face before she leans in and kisses me. 

“I think it’s time to shower, baby.” I nod, letting her climb off of me before standing on unsteady legs. “We only have an hour before we have to meet my mom and Alex for dinner.” Chuckling, I remove the straps and drop it on the floor outside the shower. My girlfriend presses herself against me once again this time the only thing separating us is the water pouring from the shower head. She takes my bottom lip between hers, sucking lightly before nipping and letting it go. “Are you nervous?” She asks, rubbing shampoo into her blonde locks. Shrugging, I do the same. Am I nervous? Should I be? What if Alex doesn’t like me? Will Clarke stay if Alex decides she hates me?   
 “Nope, I’m not that nervous. Everything will work out perfectly! I just know it.” I plant a chaste kiss against her lips before rinsing out the conditioner in my hair. Once finished bathing and dressing ourselves, we decide to head into town and meet her mom and daughter at the diner. Clarke’s hand slips into mine, locking our fingers together as I drive towards town. What if tonight goes horribly wrong? What if her mom doesn’t like me? What am I gonna do?

“Babe, hey.” Looking over at the beautiful blue eyed goddess beside me, all the worries wash away. “It’s going to be great! I promise. Alex will love you, just as much as I do.” She leans over in her seat and places a long kiss to my cheek.

“You’re absolutely right. I’m just nervous cause I want her to like me.” I admit, glancing at the blonde after a moment where she doesn’t answer. 

“I know that girl, you’re going to be perfect for her. No matter what’s happened before we met, nothing matters as much as we do now.” I put my truck in park before running around to the other side and opening her door. Taking a second to admire my girlfriend, I scan her body. The way the short, tight black dress hugs her hips brings me to my knees. Her blue eyes shine brighter than the moon in contrast to her shimmering golden locks. I notice she’s also taking in my black dress shoes, light green button up, the black suspenders that are fasten to black slacks and a black belt. The black bowtie finishes off the outfit but my black Apple watch allows for a bit of glimmer to the outfit. Extending out my arm, Clarke looks hers around it. 

“Let’s go meet your daughter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will working on the next chapter, i don't know how long it will take but I will get it to you as soon as I possibly can!


	7. Bite My Tongue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn a bit more about a few characters, we finally see Lexa meet Alex, Things haven't changed all that much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long. I had a lot going on with getting back from my dads and getting back into my work schedule and then with the premiere, I've been busy. I wanted this to be longer but I like it's ended at a good point that sets up the next few chapters.

~Echo’s POV~

 

“E, stop pacing! You’re giving me anxiety just watching you.” Costia rasps from her spot on the couch. Her eyes don’t leave their focus on the laptop positioned in front of her. 

 

“ _Shut up_ , Costia. You’re the reason I’m in this situation! If you hadn’t begged me to come back, I could still be in Italy. I wouldn’t have seen her and I definitely wouldn’t be feeling like this again. She’s with Gustus, you know? Lexa’s uncle? Yeah. There’s no way she’d just leave him. But fuck, I miss her. I still love her, C.” Pressing my back against the wall, I let myself slid down until I’m clutching my knees to my chest. Tears threaten to overflow as the pain in my chest increases. I miss Anya so much. Why the fuck did I let Costia pull me into this? 

 

Anya had joined on my lacrosse team sophomore year after giving up on soccer. Showing up to our first practice of the season, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her. The way she moved so swiftly and fluently down the field caused my heart to skip a beat. Anya was used to the running from the years of soccer but she was a natural when it came to shooting. We both played center, constantly facing off in practice and spending most of our time together. I mean yeah, I had seen her around school and a few classes growing up but nothing like that could prepare me for how beautiful she was then. 

 

I had been benched for a scrimmage after aggravating a previous ankle injury. I was pretty despondent over not being able to face off against Anya but I was given the chance to watch her. Those high cheekbones and taut abs that glisten with sweat had a heat spreading within me that took clenching my legs together a multitude of times before easing the need. 

 

**_Flashback_ **

 

Adjusting my ankle brace, I keep my eyes trained on the girls behind the back shot that slings past our goalie. Without thinking I jump up, cheering for her. Pain shoots up my leg causing my body to fall back onto the bench. I squeeze my eyes shut in a grimace but relax immediately as I feel warm hands on my calf. Allowing my eyes to peek at who’s touching me, I notice the familiar dirty blonde hair and the award winning smile plastered onto her face but in her eyes I know that Anya is worried about me. 

 

“Maybe you shouldn’t jump until this is healed, Echo. I need you healed up in case something were to happen and I needed you to step in.” I watch as the scrimmage continues, Anya wraps two ice packs in place surrounding my ankle to keep the swelling down. Taking the seat beside me, I can’t help but admire her. The sharp but gentle curves to her facial structure force my bottom lip between my teeth. God damn she’s gorgeous; her hair is tied up in a tight bun. There is something about this girl that I haven’t been able to get out of my head since she joined the team. 

 

“No promises, cheekbones.” Out of the corner of my eye I notice her shake her head, eyes rolling before turning to look at me. Those dark brown eyes bore into me, forcing me to match her position. “What? Don’t like the nickname, love?” Had I not been watching her lips, I wouldn’t have noticed the twitch. 

 

“I’ll let that slide this time, _love_. Far too many men think it’s alright to degrade me to just a facial feature regardless of my other flawless attributes.” I raise an eyebrow, smirking as she talks.

“Men not your thing, sweetheart? I don’t blame you, I gave up fighting my desire for a woman’s succulent physique but I have to admit that yours has attracted my attention on multiple occasions.” 

 

“Maybe I’ll have to show you more of this ‘succulent physique’, Echo. Wait for me in the locker room after everyone leaves.” She leaves me in shock as she takes her position back on the field. My day just keeps getting better and better.

 

 

**_End flashback_ **

 

She showed a lot more than her body in that locker room; I fell in love with her slowly and then all at once. Our meetings after practice moved from the showers to our cars then to our beds. We would go out, I’d wait for her after class and eventually Anya opened her heart to me. She said it first, admitting our love for the other after I told her the news of my job sending me to train under the Italian CEO. I walked out on her 3 months later, boarding a plane to take me away from the only woman I will ever love.

 

“E, come on, get up.” I lift my head from my knees and stare up to my childhood best friend. Wiping my tears I shake my head in defiance. 

 

“No.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because I fucked up, Costia! I should’ve stayed here with Anya after Lexa’s dad died. I should’ve been there for her… He was like her father! But I wasn’t, I left for fucking Italy and didn’t turn back. I was selfish and a fucking child; I wasn’t there for Anya when she needed me most.” I slam my fists into the carpet of our hotel room. 

 

“Echo, you have to stop this beating yourself up shit. It’s been years, I highly doubt she even cares anymore.” Costia says, walking back to her spot on the couch. Allowing the anger and guilt inside me to stir, I will myself to stand and face her.

 

“I’m so fucking tired of your attitude! You fucked over one of the sweetest girls I had ever met all because she ‘wasn’t good enough’ for your prissy lifestyle. _Fuck you_ , Costia. Lexa lost more than just a girlfriend that night but yet all you care about is how you felt. Lexa’s dad only came to pick her up because YOU,” I jab my finger towards her. “decided to gloat with that whore of an ex you were with. You’re a selfish fucking bitch who doesn’t give a shit who gets hurt when you decide you’re tired of who you’re around or where you’re at.” My anger is now boiling, my fists clenching and unclenching by my side. “Now that Lexa has moved on and opened her heart to this girl, Clarke, you think you’re allowed to swoop in and claim Lexa as yours but you’re wrong Costia. Lexa loves this girl, I don’t know how or why but I think I have an idea and you will _never_ get Lex back. You fucked yourself over that night, now you get to live with it.” Stalking off, I slam my door shut and hastily finish packing my things. I couldn't stay here any longer with this crazy bitch. I just hope Anya can convince Lexa to let me stay with them. I wait until Costia falls asleep before making my exit, texting Ryder I wait outside on the curb. 

 

“Hey pretty lady, you need a ride?” I glance up at the car that’s parked in front of me and roll my eyes.

 

“Shut up, Ryder. You’re the last person I wanna ride with but since you’re here, might as well take advantage of the offer.” I grin at him as I sling my bag in the backseat before climbing in the cab beside him. He gives me a quick side hug then turns his attention back to driving. “How was the drive out here?” I ask, twiddling my thumbs.

 

“It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was gonna be but it’s not the same…I miss when it was all of us, together.” He admits, his eyes not leaving the road.

 

“I know what you mean, but what can we do? That was a long time ago and now we’re grown up and dealing with the consequences of our childish actions.” After a few silent moments, I look over at my cousin. “Ry, do you think Anya will turn me away? I mean she has every right and reason to…I wouldn’t be surprised if she does or if Lexa forbids me to ever step foot back there but is it worth fighting for or am I setting myself up to fail?” Questioning every choice I make seems to be a common theme in my life recently but yet I can’t break the horrible habit. I fucked up, I chose the wrong side in the war and now I’m paying for it greatly. I wasn’t loyal to the one woman who’s been by my side for years and loved me when I was at my lowest. 

 

“Ech, listen to me, okay? Anya made the hardest decision when she chose to stay with Lex. Do you really think she wanted to stay? To give up the love of her life because the distance was going to be too much on both of you? Hell no! She called me every night and asked me to come over so I could hold her while she cried. She’d wake up in the middle of the night screaming out your name, fighting against me while I tried to calm her down. She was broken, E. We all lost a lot that night and I know you blame Costia but she’s not the only one to blame. Had I not been drinking with Lincoln and Gustus, I could’ve went and picked Rae and Lex up. You were with Anya that night because you knew things would be different once you got to Italy and I can’t blame you for wanting alone time at home with her before leaving. Lexa shouldn’t have been drinking either, Costia shouldn’t have pushed her buttons because she knows how Lex gets. Everyone made mistakes that night and now we have to live with it. We gather what we have left and we can either run from it or we can fight it together. I’m tired of running, Echo. That’s why we’re here, doing this. We need to fix what’s been broken before we can expect life to get better. We’ll be alright, I promise.” I feel him gently squeeze my shoulder before returning to the road. We were only 20 minutes from the lake house and my heart began pounding harder in my chest as we got closer. Pulling up to the house, I check the clock to reveal it was 1am. 

 

“Ry, it’s late and they’re all probably drinking…are you sure this is the best time to do this? They don’t even know I’m coming. I really don’t wanna deal with a drunk, angry Lexa, not after my night with Costia.” He shrugs, shutting off the truck. 

 

“Come on, E. You’ll be fine.” He gently wraps his arm around my shoulder, tugging him towards their door. I duck out from underneath as we reach the final step; Ryder turns to me, a questioning look in his eyes that disappears as the front door is swung open and a small brunette leaps onto him.

 

“Ryder! You made it! ANYA!!! Ryder’s here!!” Octavia yells behind her but goes silent as her eyes focus on my slender frame on the steps. Her mouths opens to speak but is shut by the voice behind her.

 

“What the fuck are you doing here, Echo?” Those brown eyes find mine once again and I feel the strings of my heart tug my body towards her until we’re wrapped up in the others arms. 

 

“I’m coming home.” I whisper, giving into my heart’s cries for the love of my life. 

 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

 

~Lexa’s POV~

 

When we arrived, Alex jump out her seat and beelined it straight into her mom’s arms, wrapping her small body around the most beautiful woman that we now share. I had seen Clarke smile before but the way she beamed while holding her little girl, left my heart fluttering. She was so gentle, kissing her daughter before introducing us. Surprisingly, Alex ran right to me, hugging me when I bent down to greet her. A small kiss to my cheek sealed the deal, I love this little girl as much as I love her mother.

 

“Momma, I wanna goes swimming with you guys! Gramma, can I stay with momma and Lesa?” the small brunette girl with her mothers eyes grins at Abby, tugging on her shirt sleeve from the booster seat beside her.

 

We had just ordered our food when the topic of the lake house came up and I mentioned we were supposed to be going to the beach tomorrow. The way Alex’s eyes lit up at the mention of a beach warmed my heart; she looks so much like her mother. 

 

 

“Lesa, can I come home with you and momma? I wanna goes to the beach too. Pleaaaseeee momma!” Looking to Clarke, I see her grin beam at me, asking a silent question. I can’t help but smile back, nodding.

 

“Of course, my little one; Lexa would love for you to join us. Mom, did you bring her a bag?” Abby nods just as Alex’s food arrives and the conversation is dropped. I watch in awe as she devours the chicken fingers, fries, applesauce and green beans placed in front of her. “Slow down, sweetheart. You’re going to get a tummy ache and I think Lexa would prefer you not to get her car all yucky.” Her daughter looks up at her mom with a sheepish look on her face and slows down her antics. 

 

“Yes momma.” She replies, slowly chewing on a fry. I wrap my left arm around Clarke’s waist, pulling her close to me before whispering in her ear.

  
“Relax, babe. She’s just excited, I don’t blame her for wanting to finish dinner.” Shooting me a comical look, Clarke lets it go as the waitress delivers our dinner. Abby fills our night with questions about my plans after college and is impressed to learn that I am studying to be a writer. After Abby insists on covering the bill, we make our ways out to our cars. 

 

“Lesa, will you give me a piggy back ride?” Alex asks, giving me a pouty face. Looking to her mother, Clarke smiles and I know it warms her heart to see us together. 

“Of course, little one. Hop on.” Bending down, I help her scramble onto my back, her arms and legs locking around me. I feel Clarke slip her hand into mine as we walk; I’ve never been happier than that moment. Once we reach the car, I let Alex down so that I can strap in her car seat before Clarke buckles her in. With a goodbye hug and kiss, we climb into my car and make our way back to the lake house. 

 

“I had a great time tonight with your mom and especially this little cutie.” I tell Clarke, reaching back to tickle Alex’s foot. Her giggles fill the car and I pull my hand back to lace my fingers with my girlfriend’s. Once at the house, I pick up the sleeping girl from the backseat and carry her inside with Clarke ahead of me holding the doors. We make our way upstairs to our bedroom to tuck Alex in. Clarke kisses her head, humming softly as she backs out of the room and gently closes the door. 

 

“You’re so great with her, Clarke.” I acknowledge, wrapping my arms around her waist. She turns in my arms to smile up at me. 

 

“I’ve had five years to learn whereas you did amazing tonight and you’ve never even been around kids. Thank you…for all of this. It means so much to me but I know it means more to her. Ya know, she always asks when I’m going to find her a dad or another mom so that she can have more love and attention in her life and I think I may be able to give her an answer one day. You’re an amazing girlfriend and Alex adores you already. So thank you.” With that, she kisses me gently on the lips before going back downstairs to join our friends only to find them outside at the pool.

 

“There you love birds are! How was dinner with the mother ship and the cuz?” Raven prods, sipping on her probably 20th beer. Clarke strips down to her black lace bra and matching thong. My eyes don’t leave her body as she slips into the pool and swims into the middle.

 

“Come on baby, get in. It feels great.” Clarke spins in the water, turning from me to Raven. “Dinner was really nice, I enjoyed myself even though I just saw my mom this morning. But the little girl is actually not my cousin. She’s my daughter.” Waiting for the groups reaction, I allow my eyes to scan the familiar faces. My jaw drops when I recognize my childhood best friend taking a shot with Octavia. 

 

“Ryder Jaxon King, how dare you come into my home and not give me a hug the moment I get here?” I exclaim, marching over to him. Wrapping my arms around him, he lifts me into a tight hug before setting me down.

 

“I didn’t know you got back, jerk. Now that you’re here though can we start our drinking games?” He questions, handing me a shot.

 

“No! What the fuck! ALEXANDRIA HOW DARE YOU NOT TELL ME CLARKE HAS A DAUGHTER WHAT. THE. FUCK.” Whipping around I am met with deep brown eyes glaring at me. Raven’s pissed. Fuck.

 

“Well, I kinda just found out so I was going to wait until later to tell you once I let it sink in but obviously Clarke decided you needed to know.” Shooting her a look, she grins as she sips on a whiskey and coke. 

 

“I thought they needed to know since she is staying with us for a little while, babe.” My girlfriend bats her eyelashes and I immediately soften under her gaze. They did need to know to keep their voices down inside while Alex is staying with us.

 

“Clarke’s right, Alex will be staying with us for a few days so please behave around her. She’s only five and I don’t need y’all scaring her off. If Clarke wants to, she can explain the situation later but for now I’d like to drink and whoop my best friends ass.” Taking another shot, I catch Raven smirk at me and raise her glass before turning back to chat with Clarke. Once again my eyes search our group until they land on an extremely unwelcome face. What the fuck is she even doing here? I know I didn’t fucking invite her. Slamming down my glass I stalk over to her, letting my pent up frustration fuel the fire within me. 

 

“What the hell are you doing here, Echo? After the stunt you pulled at Outback I thought you’d never have the guts to show your face around here again.” My eyes flick to Anya who is standing protectively in front of her before I notice their hands are linked together. “What the fuck, Anya? So what, you side with her now?” I can feel my anger boiling, my jaw clenches as my hands ball into fists. I can’t let Clarke see me break, not yet. I just got her to stay, I can’t fuck up again. 

 

“You know it’s not like that Lex, things have changed. We’ve talked about it and I wanna talk to you about all of it but not tonight. Just let us have tonight and then tomorrow we can sit and talk this through. Please, Lexa.” Her eyes plead more than her words. A small hand begins to rub circles on the small of my back, letting me know that Clarke was supporting me to make the right choice. Sighing, I nod and take my girlfriend’s hand in mine. 

 

“We’re going to bed. See you all in the morning.” I call behind me as I lead her inside. Once in the kitchen and the back door is closed I let go of her hand and stalk over to the fridge to grab two bottles of water. 

 

“Lex, talk to me.” She speaks softly, now only a few feet from me. “What did that girl do to you, baby?” I know I need to tell her about the night at dinner but will she run again? What will she do when she leaves that my anger hasn’t gotten any better? Nodding, I take her hand again and pull her to the living room, plopping down on the couch. 

 

“The girl with Anya is her ex-fiance, Echo. Echo was transferred to Italy the summer of the accident and Anya chose to stay here for me and not move with her. It broke their relationship apart and they always blamed me.” Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes when I feel her press a kiss to my forehead. I explain what happened at the restaurant that night, that Costia was back in town also. Scanning Clarke’s face, I wait for a response. 

 

“Do you think Costia will come here? Lexa, I need to know if I’m safe here with Alex. I can take Costia if she tried anything stupid but my daughter comes first.” Would Costia do that? I wouldn’t put it past her to try to fuck with Clarke and I certainly don’t want that bitch anywhere near Clarke or her kid. 

 

“Sweetheart, you’ll always be safe around me. I won’t let that bitch do anything to you or Alex. Come on, I really want cuddles from a gorgeous blonde and her adorable daughter.” I say. Clarke laces our fingers, dragging me upstairs where we change quickly before crawling into bed on either side of Alex. The small child presses her face against her mother’s stomach, wrapping her arms around her torso. Those blue eyes shine with pride and happiness as I scoot closer, pressing a small kiss to her forehead, nose then a final lingering kiss to her lips. 

 

“Goodnight, beautiful.” We both kiss Alex’s head, Clarke whispering, “goodnight little one, sleep well.” I lay there for a moment, my ears picking up on the even breaths in sync with each others. I couldn’t be happier than at this exact moment. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, leave me kudos and comments! You can always contact me on Twitter @Clexaownsmyass  
> Tumblr:clexaownsmyass19 or I have my other blog clexa4lyfe
> 
> I'm starting on chapter 8 as you read this and I hope to make updates more frequent! Love you all, Ste yuj.


	8. I want to see your face and know I've made it home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF okay. a bit of smut that I kinda gave up trying to finish. Shitty I know but eh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever and it's short and shitty. I've kinda lost the motivation for this story. So comments would be appreciated. Don't know when the next chapter will be up. I may take a break for awhile so leaving you with lots of fluff.

“Lesa! Lesa, wake up. Momma said you’d make me breakfast. Pweaseeeeeee?” Groaning, I roll over to stare into the small blue eyes that have begged me for food every morning for the past week. Peering out behind the messy waves of brunette hair are my favorite blue orbs, a smirk obvious on her face.

“Oh did she? Well then come on, little one. Let’s go get you some food to settle the monster in your tummy huh?” I say, a grin on my face as I begin tickling the girl. Alex’s giggles fill the room, increasing in volume as Clarke joins me in the assault of the little girl’s sides. “I think I got the monster, Clarke! We saved Alex!” Shifting my attack to kisses to Alex’s face, Clarke wraps her up in a hug.

“I got her, Lex! Is the monster gone? Can we finally go eat?” Clarke questions, releasing her daughter so she can stand up beside the bed. “Come on, my little nugget. Let’s go get some food.” Alex scrambles up but crosses her arms with a pout on her face.

“I want Lesa to carry me, momma.” I know Clarke loves that we get along so well so when she pouts too, I can’t help but feel bad. I roll off the bed, standing in a similar position as my girlfriend. “She’s bigger so I feel higher.” Raising an eyebrow, Clarke looks to me.

“It’s up to her if she wants to carry you, munchkin. You’re a big girl though, Alex.” 

“How about this, Alex? We can go to the beach later and go swimming if you walk to breakfast. Does that work?” I proposition to the most important women in my life. She turns to me and nods eagerly, climbing off the bed and racing to the kitchen. “Be careful on the steps!” I call behind her as I reach the bedroom door. A kiss to my shoulder causes me to turn slightly towards my girlfriend. “Good morning, beautiful.” I whisper, capturing her lips with mine. Her body molds to mine, slender hands finding their way into my loose curls. 

“Good morning, beautiful” She whispers back in between kisses. A throat clearing in the hallway pulls me away from those oh so kissable lips. Octavia is standing there with a smirk, her eyebrows raised suggestively. 

“Mornin’ O, where is Rae?” Locking my fingers with Clarke’s, I pull her out into the hall and down the stairs towards the kitchen. 

“She’s already down here with Alex, Raven wanted to make everyone breakfast this morning since we have guests coming today.” My best friend walks past us to where Alex is sitting at the large table. Placing a kiss to the top of her head, O moves to her girlfriend and places a chaste kiss to her cheek before helping put out the food. “Come on, losers. Help me get everything ready for when the drunks get up.” Making quick work, we have the entire table covered with enough food for everyone as they emerge from their rooms, groggy and hungover.

“Morning lovely humans. We’ve got a big day ahead of us and would like you all to have a wonderful breakfast in the meantime!” Raven address the group as Ryder is the last to sit. “I made all of this so thank me in tips, thanks, I’m here all summer.” I can’t help but watch Clarke, sitting beside me. The way her hair is tied up in a bun, her eyes glinting in the sunlight that pours through the open windows. Catching my eye she smirks, placing her hand on my knee. 

“Does anyone have plans for today?” I ask to no one in particular. Anya glances up at me, a smirk prominent on her face.   
 “We can head to the beach if you want. Alex has been begging all the week but with how sh- crappy the weather has been, it’s perfect.” Alex beams, jumping up and down in her chair.

“Lesa already promised me the beach since I walked to breakfast all by myself. Momma said Lesa would teach me how to swim like her.” Alex grins, clambering down to run over and climb into my lap, wrapping her small frame around me. “Thank you, Lesa. You’re my favorite.” 

Clarke clears her throat, raising an eyebrow at her kid. “Oh, Lexa’s your favorite huh? I see how it is.” Her lips form a pout as she crossing her arms. Alex releases her chokehold on me before sliding onto her mom’s lap. 

“I love you, momma! You’re my absolutest favorite.” She says proudly, pecking her mom on the cheek. Ryder stands, walking over to Alex and holds out his arms. 

“Let’s go play outside little one while everyone cleans up.” Lifting her up, the boys, Emori and Maya follow them outside. I stand, pressing a quick kiss to Clarke’s lips. Octavia collects our plates as I pull out containers for any leftovers. A knock on the door ceases all further actions as Octavia drops what she’s doing to sprint through the house and flinging herself out a barely open door to wrap herself around her brother. 

“BELL! You’re here!” I hear my best friend screech as I make it into the living room. Barely having time to realize that they’re the surprise guests, I am tackled to the ground by a small child. 

“Aunt Lexa! I missed you so much!” I hear her giggle and I wrap my arms around her. 

“Princess Logan! Why didn’t your dad tell me you guys were coming? I would’ve made you cupcakes so we can eat them late at night and play video games.” Sitting up, I press a kiss to her forehead, letting her scramble off of me. Bellamy holds out his hand to help up, pulling me into a tight bear hug. “I missed you so much, Bell. I’m so glad you could make it!” 

“Hey Lex. I know, but with work I couldn’t get off until now and even then I can only stay a few days but Gina and Logan can stay as long as they want.” Bellamy releases me to step back and wrap an arm around his wife. 

“Gina! Damn you’ve gotten fat.” I tease, pulling her into a gentle hug before leaning down and kissing her stomach. “Hi my little god child. It’s Aunt Lexa, I can’t wait to meet you and teach you all the bad habits I’ve taught your big sister.” Gina smacks my shoulder at my words.

“Logan begs Bell to let her stay up and play Call of Duty with him. If I wasn’t around to tell her no, she’d never sleep!” Bellamy shrugs and makes his way into the house, greeting everyone before I hear him introduce himself to Clarke.

“Hi, I’m Bellamy. You are?” I turn to see Clarke smile politely, shaking his out stretched hand. 

“Clarke, Lexa’s girlfriend.” I immediately shake my head, wide eyed. Oh fuck. I don’t have time to scurry out the door before Bellamy wraps his strong arms around me once again.

“Excuse me! You didn’t mention a girlfriend, Lex!” He drops me onto the couch, blocking me from getting up.

“Oh come on Bellamy, leave the poor girl alone and come hug your future sister in law.” I hear Raven say from behind me. Silently thanking her as Bellamy scowls and moves to her hug. Raven and Bell fought all the time because of how alike they were but they were honestly in law goals. 

“Hey Rae, I missed you oh so much! Logan, get in her and hug Aunt Rae.” He calls to his daughter who races to her second favorite aunt, latching onto her good leg. 

“Auntie Rae! I missed you. Do you have cookies?” Little Bellamy asks, releasing Raven before running into the kitchen. Standing from the couch, I follow everyone into the kitchen where Octavia is perched on the counter with Logan beside her and Raven standing protectively in front of the small girl. She munches on a cookie, smiling brightly at me when I peck her cheek. I take in the family we’ve brought together as I look between the group outside playing with Alex and the ones inside chatting around Logan. Walking over to Clarke, I offer her my hand which she takes. 

Pulling her with me I call behind my shoulder, “You guys should take Logan outside, it’s beautiful out. Clarke has to help me with something before we head to the beach.” I catch Gina’s eye and her smirk tells me she knows exactly what my beautiful blonde girlfriend will be helping with. I faintly hear her shoo everyone outside as we make our way upstairs to the bedroom. 

As I pull her into the room, I am slammed up against the door it shutting under my weight. Her lips crash to mine, a thigh slipping between my own. The moan I release from the touch sends shivers down her spine. She kisses me fiercely, her tongue and teeth grazing my lips. It’s been a week since we’ve been able to touch each other and my body craves every inch of skin that I can get my hands on. My fingers find her hips, digging into the soft flesh I pull her closer until our bodies can’t breathe. 

“Clarke, I need you. I need to taste you, to make love to you until you’re trembling in my arms. Scream my name, pull my hair, dominate me as I eat you out. Let me fuck you until you can’t stand, your legs too weak to hold you up. Let me hold you close, my hand between your legs, bringing you to new heights.” Her eyes darken as the words slip from my mouth, her knee presses harder into my center. 

“Fu- please Clarke I need to feel you inside me!” I beg, something I don’t do often. Her grin widens as my hips buck against her. She pulls off my shirt, latching her mouth onto one of my erect nipples. I whimper at the sensation when her tongue flicks against the tip. “Please baby, I need you. I need you inside me.” 

“Patience, my love. I want to take my time with you, I love it when you beg for me. Big bad Lexa submitting to me? I haven’t seen anything sexier.” As she speaks, her hands find their way into my loose braids. Burying her face into my neck, I feel her bite and nip at my pulse point. Her lips find my sweet spot, the small space where my jaw meets my ear. My knees feel weak and she nips at my ear. My hands reach out for the hem of her shirt but before I can grasp it, they are pinned above my head. “Tsk Tsk, did I say you could move them?” The mischievous glint in those blue eyes make me shiver. I bow my head in submission, letting Clarke take control. I feel her lift my chin so I’m looking back into the sea colored orbs. 

“I want you to watch me pleasure you, baby.” She whispers, kissing a trail down my jaw, neck and chest. I whimper softly as she kneels in front of me. gently tugging at my shorts. I submit to her, letting Clarke have her way with my body. Pleasure coursing between us, our bodies in sync. 

 

Clarke dresses in all black bikini, showing off more skin than my jealousness can handle. Grabbing one of my muscle shirts, I slip it on over her head despite her protests. The grumbling blonde looks at me before her eyes check out my preferred form of a “bathing suit.” My black board shorts sit low on my hips exposing the waist band of my black and grey plaid boxers. The deep blue eyes travel up my body, taking in every each of exposed skin that my black muscle shirt and sports bra don’t cover.

“Do you ever wear anything other than black? I’m not complaining because you look sexy as fuck in black but you’re gonna get hot, love.” She kisses my lips softly before pulling me into a tight hug, her face buried into my neck.

“That’s why I wear it so much, I look hot.” I feel Clarke press herself closer to my body, her leg moving in between mine. “Clarke…” She looks up at me pulling back some with a smirk.

“Are you packing, Alexandria? My kid is gonna be swimming with us!” She playfully slaps my shoulder as I pull her closer, missing her warmth.

“Then we’ll just have to be in deep water when I decide to whip it out.” I chuckle when she pushes me gently back and heads downstairs. Once in the kitchen, I grab a bottle of water for each of us before heading out back to see Clarke half way across the yard heading to the beach. Smirking, I slide the bottles into a small drawstring bag and take off sprinting towards the unaware blonde. As I make my approach, I open my arms ready to lift her up. At the last second before I grab her, she turns, eyes wide as I grab her around the waist. 

“LEXA!!” She screeches as I spin her around. “Put me down you crazy woman!” She yelps. Setting her down I take off running past her towards the beach. “I’m gonna get you for that!” She yells behind me before chasing after me. I trip as my feet hit the sand but managing to keep myself upright I throw down my bag next to Octavia and head straight for the water. Leaping in as the water hits the hem of my shorts, I land beside Lincoln causing a splash of water to hit him right on his back. 

“Lexa! Holy mother that’s cold!” He exclaims once I surface. Turning to face me, I notice the look in his eyes and I know I’m screwed. He lunges at me, taking a hold of my shoulders and pushing me back under the surface. Latching onto his torso, I hold him down only to let go when he releases me to come up for air. I take in a deep breath before I’m plunged under water once again. Slipping out of the arms holding me down, I swim to the surface and glare at the smirking blonde. 

“Pay back is a bitch isn’t it, love?” She says, swimming over to me. Wrapping her legs around my waist she kisses me. 

“Clarke, I could’ve died!” I try to act angry but the twitch of my lips gives away my true feelings. I let my arms wrap around her. “Let’s go get your daughter and Bellamy and I can let the girls have a chicken fight like all kids are supposed to.” Clarke unlocks her legs and pushes away swimming over to shallower water where the kids are playing. 

“Have you talked to Echo since the other day?” Lincoln questions, treading water beside me. With a shake of my head I give him the answers he was searching for and he drops the subject. Alex waves her little arm at me, beckoning me to join them where they sit on the shore. 

“Lesa! Come on! I wanna play chicken!” Alex smiles as I reach her. She leaps into my arms, locking her arms and legs around me so she doesn’t fall. Backing up so that the water reaches to my torso, I wait for Bellamy to lift Logan onto his shoulders and wade into the water to face me. Alex scrambles up onto my shoulders to mirror Bell’s.

“Let’s do this Blake. You stand no chance against us. Right, Alex?” 

“Yeah! Lesa and I can take you!” The girl upon my shoulder yells, leaning forward causing my stance to falter. “oops.” Alex whispers. Bellamy maintains eye contact with me as we carefully circle each other.

“Alright losers, first one to knock over the other pair, wins. Got it? Annnnnnd GO!” Clarke commands. I surge forward and Alex lunges off my shoulders, tackling Logan into the water. My eyes go wide and Bellamy and I scramble to grab the girls breaking the surface. 

“I did it, Lesa! I knocked her over!” Alex says in between coughs as I drag her onto the shore. 

“She cheated, daddy! That’s not how you play chicken!” Logan whines, arms crossed with an adorable pout on her face. 

“You is just mad that I won! Mommy!” Alex fires back before scrambling over to Clarke who’s sitting in the sand a few feet from her. I walk over, taking a seat beside my beautiful blonde girlfriend as Alex curls up tighter in the blanket on her mom’s lap. Clarke’s hands rubs circles on her daughters back, comforting her. 

Looking out I see Echo and Anya walking hand in hand on the beach, laughing at what the other is saying. Last week we had talked like Anya had requested; I learned that they were still in love with the other and that they had worked out that they can’t live without each other. I wasn’t happy at first but then Echo explained the situation with Costia. She believed that if she could break Clarke and I up then she’d have another chance. She had learned that when my mother passed, I inherited a large sum of money and my father’s firm which I promptly sold to more capable hands. I wouldn’t say I was now rich, I didn’t brag about the billions of dollars in my bank account but I knew that college debt wouldn’t be an issue. Costia was always the one who wanted everything she couldn’t have and would do anything to get it then throw it away when she was tired of it. 

I’m happy for Anya, she deserves to be with someone who treats her as well as Echo always has. Gustus knew that the moment Echo came back, their arrangement was over so it didn’t come as a surprise to him when my best friend explained that he’d be sleeping in another room for the remainder of the trip.

“Babe, you okay?” Clarke takes my hand in hers, lacing our fingers. I give her a soft smile and a nod before giving her a chaste kiss. Alex scrunches her face up at us.

“What’s wrong, Alex?” I ask, curious why she’s making that face.

“You slobbered on mommy’s face, Lesa. That’s not nice. Are you a dog?” Raven howls at her question, tipping over her raft and falling into the water. Karma is great. 

“Alex! That’s not nice to ask!” Clarke reprimands her.

“Babe, relax it’s okay.” I chuckle before reaching over and pull Alex into my lap before leaving a sloppy wet kiss on her cheek. She squirms, breaking from my grasp she takes off running. Looking around I notice everyone has dispersed on the beach doing their own things. I press a quick kiss to Clarke’s lips before chasing after Alex.

 

~Clarke’s POV~

Watching Lexa, a grin spreads across my face. The way her face lights up when Alex laughs, I know she genuinely enjoys my daughters company. Lexa crouches, letting Alex scramble onto her back before standing and taking off running across the beach. Hearing Alex giggle warms my heart and knowing the cause of that melodious sound is my girlfriend? I couldn’t be happier in that moment. Turning my attention back to my book, I don’t realize the pair are barreling right towards me until Alex is plopped right onto my stomach.

“Oomf!” My hands go around Alex. “Well! Hello there, my love.” Lexa lays beside me, placing a gentle kiss to my cheek. “My loves.” 

“Ewwy gross! Lexi just kissed mommy!” My fingers begin attacking her sides, tickling her until she’s between us. Lexa assists in the assault, her fingers reaching for the bottom of my little girls feet, where she’s ticklish the most. In between laughter you can make out her cries for help. “Mommy! Lexi, stop it! You know i’m ticklish!” Lexa ceases her attacks on her feet but then begins blowing raspberries on Alex’s stomach. I follow her example and begin kissing all over my daughters face. 

“Do you surrender to all powerful Momma and her sidekick Lexa the great?” I ask, never ceasing my kisses. I feel her squirm underneath us before she slips out and tackles me into the sand, her arms around my neck. Alex places a big wet kiss on my cheek. 

“Nope, but now I got you! Lexa, look! I got mommy! Does this mean we can gets ice cream?” Lexa laughs, nodding. 

“Of course Princess Griffin! How could I say no to your royalty? Plus, you’ve slain the evil Momma dragon!” Lexa pulls Alex off of me, lifting her onto her shoulders. “Let us march to the palace and our hero can be served the dessert she deserves!” Watching as Lexa marches off towards the house, I stand, gathering our things before chasing after my two favorite people in this world. 

Stepping into the kitchen, Lexa has three bowls laid out already filled with our favorite flavors. Three scoops of Vanilla bean for me, three scoops of cookies and cream for Lexa and two scoops of strawberry for my little bean. I kiss her head before wrapping my arms around Lexa’s mid section. I place kisses across her shoulders, placing a chaste one on her chin before grabbing my bowl and digging in. 

“Thank you, beautiful.” I say, smirking as Alex fakes a gag. Lexa watches our interaction, a smirk on her own face.

“You’re welcome, my queen.” She steps to the side, leaning over the island to place a lingering kiss on my lips. I pull back in time to see a clump of strawberry ice cream smack Lexa right in the cheek. Alex, not being able to control her giggles, climbs off the stool and sits on the floor rolling around. 

Lexa looks at me, her face still in shock before we both bust out in laughter. Moments like this make me realize that I don’t want to be anywhere else but here. I’ve found my home, it’s wherever these two are and that’s good enough for me.


	9. NOT AN UPDATE

Okay guys, in light of recent events, including 3x07 which if you haven't seen please don't read any further

 

 

I'm so heartbroken that Lexa is dead. It physically hurts and I know a lot of people are hurting about it but I want you to know, I'm here to talk. My twitter is @AustinKomTrikru

Tumblr: clexa4lyfe and clexaownsmyass19 

Please come talk to me if you want to. I don't want anyone to feel alone. I'm devastated by Lexa's death and it's painful and I just want to make sure everyone is okay. I am going to try to write a new chapter but I don't want any angst...so I don't know what I'm going to do for now. I may try to start writing another story where Clarke and Lexa are all fluff and happiness and Lexa doesn't die. 

Contact me if needed, I'm here for you. Ste yuj and may we meet again.


	10. Those Who Stand For Nothing Fall For Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa fluff and smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a short chapter but I needed to post something to get set up for the next few chapters. I am going back and editing all the chapters so I'll probably add to this later on but for now I'm publishing what I have. You'll also notice that I changed her last name and I will fix that as I edit. Her career is also going to be different so bear with me as I edit this.
> 
> No beta, all mistakes are mine. Enjoy the fluff and smut. :)

Clarke’s POV

Her heartbeat is steady, her breaths even underneath my head. I revel in the warmth radiating between our bodies, the way her arms tighten around my waist when I shift beside her. It’s now the middle of August; Alex and I have been enjoying our time at the lake house. The feeling of family has never resonated stronger for me than when I’m around this group of people. Most of my time is spent with Gina and Logan if Lexa is busy. I can see how happy Alex is around Logan, the way they smile at each other like they share a secret we don’t know. 

Today the gang will be heading into town, taking the girls to the park and allowing Lexa and I some much needed relaxation. Taking in her sleeping form, my fingertips trace her sharp jawline, the way her lips pout in her sleep. Her chestnut curls fan out across her back and over the pillow tucked under her drooling chin. I quietly chuckle, she’s adorable when she sleeps. Dragging my hand down I trace over her defined shoulders, outlining the tattoos that cover her arm and back. Fingering at the sheet that’s settled low on her back, I drag it down over her ass before rubbing circles over the dimples prominent due to how she’s laying. Her sculpted, taut body never ceases to amaze me as her back muscles ripple with each movement she makes letting me know she’s waking. Moving closer, I begin pressing light kisses across her back, brushing her hair to the side as I kiss her neck. A rumble from the body below me causes me to smirk.

“Are you enjoying yourself, Princess?” She questions, her voice dripping with sleep, husky and low. Without answering, I straddle her back, my naked body pressing against hers. Dragging the sheet over my own back, I lay on top of her, kissing her shoulders and nipping softly. I’ve never been so in love with someone until I met this beautiful woman. I can’t imagine waking up to anything other than those gorgeous green eyes and charming sweet smile. 

“Good morning, gorgeous.” I whisper, nipping her ear lobe as my hands massage her back. Lexa moans, reveling in the muscles being worked out after a long night of love making. I feel her shift beneath me, indicating she wants to roll onto her back. Lifting myself off of her for a moment, she rolls over, pulling me back on top of her. Her sleepy smile sends shivers down my spine as she leans up, capturing my lips in hers. 

“Good morning, my love.” She responds, her eyes never leaving mine. I take in the way the green is but slivers compared to the blown pupils, constantly full of love and adoration for me. 

“How did you sleep?” 

“After last night, like a baby.” She leans up onto her elbows kissing my nose then my forehead. “I always sleep soundly when I’m beside you, princess.” 

I can’t help but grin at her words. She’s such a dork but I absolutely adore her and that’s what makes everything okay. Laying so my body is pressed to hers, I slip my knee between her legs. Her breath catches as I press against her sex. 

“Babe, what if Alex walks in?” She questions, knowing if it has happened once, it can happen again. 

“Don’t worry, the gang already left for town. We’re completely alone today.” I take her bottom lip between mine, gently sinking my teeth into the soft flesh. Her hands slip up my sides, cupping my breast as I grind my body against hers. 

“You’re so beautiful, Clarke. I’m so in love with you.” She whispers, her voice carrying around the quiet room. Her lips capture mine once again, our kisses slow and tender but growing with a fiery passion with each passing moment. My body is on fire, burning where her body touches mine. My core tightens with each kiss, every moan, the canting of her hips against mine. I leave a trail of kisses down her chest, lowering my body to her core. Glancing up, her eyes are locked on mine. Watching as I lower my mouth, she bites her lip nodding furiously as I capture her clit. A sharp gasp fills my ears as my tongue circles then plunges into her velvet walls. Her hands grip my hair, guiding my mouth, holding it against her. 

“Please, Clarke more!” She begs, her hips canting against my mouth. “I need you inside me!” She moans, grinding her core against my tongue. Sliding my hand up, I thrust two fingers in earning a surprised gasp which settles into a groan of contentment. 

“Do you like that? Do you like my fingers within you baby?” I ask, thrusting faster as my tongue traces figure eights against her clit. 

“Please Clarke, more! I need more, I’m so close baby please!” Giving into her pleads, I slip a third finger in, filling her up as I suck, dragging my teeth against her clit. I feel her orgasm approaching, her arm beginning to ache at the brutal pace. 

“Come for me, baby. Let go.” At my words, I feel her walls clamp down on my fingers. I continue sucking, thrusting into her as I ride out her orgasm. I only pull out when her walls release me, crawling up to lay on her once again. Slipping my fingers into my mouth as her eyes are locked on mine I moan at the taste of her release. The moment my fingers are removed from my lips, her mouth is on mine. 

“God, I love when you do that.” She moans out, licking my lips. A smirk on her face, sends a shot of arousal to the spot between my legs. She flips us easily, leaving purple marks across my collar bone and down my chest. Kisses are pressed to my sex but then her lips are gone. Leaning up, I watch her saunter over to the dresser opening the top drawer where she pulls out the leather harness. Slipping into it, she tightens the straps before attaching a realistic dildo to the front. I feel myself dripping in anticipation of her to fill me up, to fuck me until I can’t walk and need her to carry me around. I watch as she lubes up the added appendage, stepping to the edge of the bed where I lay waiting for her. Grabbing my legs, she flips me so my ass is in the air, presented to her like a prize waiting to be taken. 

“I need you, Commander. Take me, claim me. Fill me up and make me scream your name.” I beg, knowing her dominant ego can’t resist it. She lands two gentle slaps against my ass, as she spreads my legs further apart. I feel her gently press the head to my entrance, allowing me time to take her inside. As she slowly pushes further, I relax my muscles allowing her entire length to slip inside. 

“Fuck baby, you feel so good. The way you fill me up feels so good.” I praise her, encouraging her to thrust. My walls flutter as she pulls almost completely out before thrusting back in. Her length dragging across that sensitive spot within me. Her hands move to grip my hips as her pace quickens. She begins to pound into me, her fingers digging into my hips. I need her, I need her to split me apart. I want to scream her name as she brings me to my climax, and catch me when I fall. 

“Lexa please, I need you! Fuck me harder, faster. I need to feel you split me apart” At my pleading words, her pace quickens. I feel her bottom out within me with each thrust, I lean my upper body down, spreading my legs farther to open myself up further for her. She plunges deeper within my core. I can feel my climax quickly approaching. Thrusting back into her, I slam my hips into hers, grinding aggressively as the tip rubs against that special spot within. 

“Fuck baby, I’m gonna come. I can’t hold it back.” I moan out, she continues to rub that spot as I grind back into her. My orgasm slams into me, my legs shake, walls clenching down on her as she rides out my climax. She slowly brings me down, taking care of how sensitive I am afterwards. She pulls out, slipping the harness off of her hips before climbing back into bed beside me. 

“I love you, Clarke Griffin.” She presses a kiss to my forehead.

“And I love you, Lexa Woods.” Burying my face into her chest, I presses light kisses to her sweaty skin. My eyes flutter closed, drifting off to sleep to the sound of her heartbeat.


	11. Question for the readers. NOT A CHATPER

Okay so I wrote this long thing and then my internet shut off so it didn't post. 

First option, I take what I have written and end the fic in like two happy chapters OR I can continue what I have in mind but I don't know when it'll update and it'll probably be angsty and sad and miserable for Clexa but there are things in the fic that aren't resolved yet so.

Let me know what you think and what you want me to do.

 

Find me on Twitter: AustinKomTrikru


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